Letter to Vanessa (#4)

October 18th 2010
It was like a Fricken Episode of Gossip Girl or Something.
Hey there! Again. How yah doing? I'm doing pretty good. Just laying in bed next to my darling husband who crashed RIGHT after the kids went to bed. It was a busy day, I dont blame him. I wish we went by the Bible. Sunday should be a day to RELAX. When was the last day I relaxed, again? When was the last time I had a girls night out? I need one of those. We should do that one time. Anyways, now that Cole is asleep I can rant about him ;) Well, rant on about the past. Lets continue with this Cole/Claire drama, shall we? Ugh. It pisses me off putting their names together. It pisses me off even more how good their names sound together.
Okay, so you can call me retarded all you want. You can put some of the blame on me, I know part of it was my fault. I mean, maybe it wasnt even necissary to forgive her after the last time, but I forgave Cole. And I knew Claire was sorry too. So I forgave her. And then I started to think. It would just be so COOL if we were all really good friends. And I wanted to kick it off some how. The next time Claire came over, I made her and Cole drink A LOT. (I didnt drink anything cause I was pregnant.) But seriously, they drank SO MUCH. Like, what? Some hard liquer and 5 shots of 90% tequila each? Yeah, something like that.
And heres the biggest part of my douchebagery.
So they were chugging shit; and Claire stopped chugging her shit for a minute.
Cole: HEY CLAIRE. YOU NEVER FINISHED YOURS! DRINK!
Claire: UGGGHH. ... Only if you reward me.
Cole: With what?
Me: KISS HER FOOL.
Fuck. Why did I allow that? Anyway, I was kind of happy he said
Cole: NO!
But then I had to go and be a bigger douche.
Me: COME ON! It'll pump up the party!
So he did. After that it was still a pretty good time. They drank, and we all laughed and had a good time. But then I GOT EVEN MORE STUPID, AND DECIDED TO PUT THE KIDS TO BED! Which takes a while, because Skye was strill really little and I had to breast feed her. I left. And I dont know exactly what happened when I got back, but Cole called me. I came down.
Me: You gotta be quieter, your gunna wake the kids. So, guys, whats shaking!?
I was happy. He grabbed my arm.
Cole: Maria. Claire has to go.
I felt my heart drop.
Me: ...why?
Cole: I'm sorry.
Thats all he said and then I knew. I knew shit went down, and I felt so stupid. I shouldnt have trusted Cole, I shouldnt have trusted Claire. I broke down and started crying. But then Tommy comes into the picture. Obviously he was spying.
Tommy: NO, MARIA, WAIT! IT WASNT REALLY COLES FAULT THIS TIME, IT WASNT! I SWEAR! IT WAS CLAIRE, SHE SAW HOW DRUNK HE IS AND SHE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HIM. SHE TOOK HER SHIRT OFF AND STARTED MAKING OUT WITH HIM AND HE MADE HER STOP.
After Tommy was done flipping shit, Cole flipped shit.
Cole: CLAIRE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE!
He punched her in the face and she started to bleed. Not gunna lie, at the time, I liked the fact that he did it.
She screamed and bitch slapped him. I yelled at them to stop.
Cole: Maria, I'm doing this for you. THIS HOME WRECKING WHORE HAS TO GET THE FUCK OUT!
He suddenly got more angry than I've seen him since my dad was alive. He pinned her to the ground and seriosuly started beating the shit outta her. Claire was screaming, and he was just punching her over and over and over. I got him off of her.
Maria: Cole, stop. You're really, really drunk and you have to go to our room now. Please. Go.
After a while, he left. I got Claire a wet cloth, and helped her up onto the couch. She was bleeding a lot, but she was crying even more.
Claire: Maria, I'm so sorry. I know i sound psycho but I'm not. I'm just crazy about Cole and I knew he was drunk, and I knew you were gone, and...
Me: I know what its like. To be in love with someone you shouldnt be in love with, I mean. For a long time, I was cheating on Cole. With a guy named Zack. I even named my son after about him, I was so in love with him. Part of me still is. I was a home wrecker, too.
Claire: Really? What happened to him?
Me: He's gone now. He didnt want to see me anymore. None of them did. He's gone now. And I might never see him again, and that thought scares me half to death. I used to say I didnt have Zack, even when he was still there. We tried to be friends for a little while, and I got scared. I said I didnt have him. But I did. He was still there. Claire, you still have Cole. Just not in the way you used to. You have to realize that. Because I didnt realize that, and now Zack really is gone.
We had a pretty good conversation. She left, and we never saw her for a while. Oh, BUT THEN...
But that can wait for another day.
My laptop is dying.
Goodnight.
Maria xx