February 2nd 2010
My dear Zack,
I want to explain to you that I’m fourteen weeks pregnant and I’m really proud of myself. I want to talk to you about how you died two years ago, and you came back, and even though you aren’t with me I’m so happy you’re alive. You’re out there somewhere and you’re living. I want to tell you that I love you. But I’m sad. I’m so sad. On Friday, I found out a lot of things. I found out that Cole’s been seeing Claire, and they had sex. I know it’s true because Cole kept making up excuses. He told me he was going to stay overnight at the hospital last Friday, but he went to Claire’s and fucked her. He wanted too. He was “confused.” He didn’t know who he wanted. And he’s married to me. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing wrong. He doesn’t make me feel special anymore and it’s not supposed to be like that. We’re in love with each other, why the hell aren’t we happy? I keep being told by my friends that nobody’s happy all the time. And they tell me he’ll snap out of it, but what if he doesn’t? And that’s only half of it. I learned all this from Claire. She came to my door, and we got into a huge fight and started beating each other up. And I had to get a bunch of stitches, and she’s in the hospital. She tried to choke me to death. She told me that she wanted me to die the way my dad killed my mom. So she tied a rope around my neck and choked me. Then Cole came home and started beating up Claire. But I made Cole leave. He doesn’t deserve to live with me, or any of us.
I miss you.
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