Hi Zack.
Yesterday I tried to get everything in order, and it didnt work out too well. What I should have said last night is that everything is okay. Cole is keeping all of us stable, and he's gotten himself completely stable again- Zack and Skye are starting to get potty trained, which, okay, isnt the most stable thing. Actually, its kind of a mess. But if I can have a son who is potty trained BEFORE he turns two, I'll be impressed :) I guess, in short, the only stability we have right now is family. We have each other, and only each other. We feed off each other for everything. Our days are filled with love and laughter; and I am more than thankful for that. Speaking of thankful, I'm going to be cooking alll day tomorrow for tomorrows thanksgiving dinner. Thank God Tommy is a chef. He's a huge help as far as cookin goes. Tomorrow, I'm going to write to you again- most likely. I'm going to start emailing Kellyanne, Vanessa, and Cartman more. Even though they wont be able to read it. You cant either, so I guess there isnt much of a difference. But still, I CAN DREAM.
The other thing I should have done last night is elaborated when I told you I was depressed. Although thats hard to do, when your depressed- arent you just depressed? Theres no other way to describe it. I dont understand. Everything always goes wrong. Cole got into a car crash, and yes, I'm thankful that he's okay, but it still happened. And then I almost got raped and killed. And that ruined me. It's happened before, WHY DOES IT NEED TO HAPPEN AGAIN? It always happens, I wish it would just STOP. And now I'm scared for my life, and I shouldnt be, because they caught him and he's in jail. But I feel like he took something from me, even though he didnt rape me or kill me. He took away even more of my hope. Hope of everything. Hope that everything will be okay. I thought things were getting better, but they got worse again. Things keep getting worse. And I know that it would just be so much easier with you here. With ALL of you here.
I have this dream. Its that somehow, even though every time I click the send button on these emails I get an email that says "delivery failed"- I think that SOMEHOW, they get to you. And Kellyanne is smart enough, and misses me enough- to check the email Cartman and Tommy made you all that time ago. And she rememvers that its zackary.station@hotmail.com And she checks it, and sees ALL these emails from me to you. And she reads each and every one of them, and she keeps it a secret, but she sees. And if, by any chance at all that that is whats happening; HI KELLYANNE, WHATS UP!?
:) See yah tomorrow.
(Oh, and if anyone is reading this, I'll be emailing those other emails more often)
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