For some awesome people.: Far Away is Stuck in my Head.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Far Away is Stuck in my Head.

March 30th 2010
ZackLove,
sorry if I dont make it through these next few days. They're extremely fucking hard without you. I've tried hard as hell to try and act happy; or try to act like the new, happy person I am now but I cant. Turns out that that vulnerable, hopeless girl is still inside of me. I fear that girl because all that girl ever does is fear and I'm tired of fearing things. I'm tired of going from hopeful to hopeless. I'm tired of feeling depressed when I thought just a few days ago I would be okay. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of missing you. The day Spring Break started my heart sunk and I havent felt right since then. I feel only half here. All I can think about are the things that happened in the past, or the things I want to happen in the future. I am good at living in the moment when I want too but I want this moment to be over. I want all the moments I'm without you to be over. I want to be able to laugh with you and your whole family. To get drunk and to feel excited. I want to try something new cause I dont like the way we were. And I dont want it to ever go back to the way we were. I just want a part buddy. or a few party buddies. And I wanna name furniture with Kellyanne again. And I want Cartman to be my boyfriend again.
The babies are kicking. They want out.
So do I.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Dear Loves,

If you`re reading this, hi. You`re awesome and yes its been FOREVER since you went away but I still miss all of you so much and want to share my life with you, regardless of whether or not you want to be a part of it again or just want to read about it (but you should totally leave a comment if you do read this) I started this in hopes of being with you again but since I`m pretty sure thats not going to happen, and I`m completely fine with not seeing you until we`re all in Heaven, this blog has become more of a release from the stresses of life. It`s a time to ramble about awesome things and make myself laugh, cause I do that a lot nowadays. If you are reading this; there`s a few things you need to know. One, I`m sorry for everything. Two, I have four kids now and I`m single. Three, I`m AWESOME. And so is my family and friends. So you should read this. OkayÉ OKAY! Stupid É

One last thing- we love you and miss you.

Not Zack?

Chances are, if anyone finds this blog, Zack or any of his family members wont be one of them. If you are one of the other people who somehow found their way to this blog; hi. I'm Maria. But your probably more curious as to who the heck Zack and The Love's are. Zack is someone I grew up with- someone who I fell in love with and made mistakes with. Vanessa is his wife. Miley, Kellyanne, and Cartman are Zacks siblings. They all live together. Tommy and Cartman were best friends. We were all so close to each other. We did everything together. We made so many memories, some good, some bad. Most of them were good, but for the wrong reasons. Everything got complicated. It was my fault. They all left. I say they left April 2009, because thats the last time we were happy; they really left September 2009. Losing them has been the hardest thing, despite all of the hard ships I've been though in my life. We were family.

We dont think we will ever see the Love's again. This blog is all the hope I have. Its just a sliver of hope, but we're surviving off of it. But who knows, maybe if YOU follow this blog it will become more popular, and then they have a better chance at seeing us again.