Sunday, November 28, 2010

my christmas list

hi zack i had a sleepover with my friends on saturday and it was really fun becuase we are all really awesome and you arent and you suck and zack is two and time goes by so fast and wow and me and travis and jaxon and jake are all gunna do something awesome (a prank but i wont mention it here) maria says i need to make my christmas list so im going to here. That was all one sentense MUAHAHAHAHHAHA I am awesonme.
1) A really warm and awesome blanket.
2) COD black opps (she wont get it for me cause i'll get "obsessed")
3) A laptop with a webcam.
4) To unblock the restricted sites (its about time)
5) Some condoms. Gold ones.
6) A laundry basket.
7) A bunch of cooking supplies.
8) Some drums.
9) A day off school.
10) Some binoculars
11) a rope
12) a face mask
13) a morph suit
14) That cowboy suit
15) a fishing rod
16) Some fish hooks.
17) a boat to fish in
18) A car
19) A radio installed in my jeep
20) A brain
21) Something hand made
22) Cooking stuff
23) A hat
24) Another nephew
25) a really big bra.
My biggest wish for christmas is you guys. But the list of things I really want would make Maria sad. But it goes like this:
1) To see Carty again
2) To see Kellyanne again
3) to see Miley again
4) To see Vanessee again
5) To see Tom again
6) To see Derek again
7) To see Jeremy again.
8) To see Tina Llamas again
9) To see TEDDY again!
10) Hell, even to see you again.
11) To go to your cabin.
12) To see Marias reaction when she sees you again
13) To ride in my jeep with Carty
14) To tell Tom my secrets
15) To do some cool dances
16) To hear your "funky" vocabulary again
17) To have a campfire again
I just want you to hear us when we talk to you. I want to know whats going on with you. I want you guys to be happy but i dont know if you are. You could be dead. if you are dead, you should send me a dream tonight. ok? thanks. i hope your alive. Im really really sad. i think cole and maria are too sometimes but they dont really show it. im not supposed to be this way. but im really sad and i just wanna feel closer to you. I miss you all so much, im supposed to be married to kellyanne. I dont even know if we got a divorse and what about Vanessee's boobs? I wonder if they are just as big as before or even BIGGER. I wonder what new words you say. I bet if you were here youd say things like grenade and snooki from jersey shore. And I bet Maria and Kellyanne would talk abotu sexy guys from harry potter and maybe Vanessee too. I try not to think about Cartman cause thats the worst. what if he doesnt think of me? What if he has new best friends? What if he doesnt even care if I see him again? What if he doesnt want to see me again? That would be the worst. I miss him so much. I miss all of you. I'm sorry i always said i wanted you to die. i didnt. you were always really awesome. i get why you left. maria fucked up. but i did too and even cole. we all messed up and have so many regrets. im sorry. i think we all are. i want to hope again and i want to believe in miracles. you guys were like a miracle to us. i know i sound really stupid right now though and i think if you saw this youd be like "fuck they're such a depressing family, im never going back to them" but we arent. Wed have a fun tmie if we saw you again. I just miss you thats all. but your still really ugly, sorry.
i dont have a lisp anymore.

Pac Man can't be plural, only singular.


What an uneventful week this has been. I mean, seriously, other than planning for Zack's birthday party we've done NOTHING! Claire is on first name basis for now (I usually just call her home wrecker) because she hasnt done anything for a while. I dont think this note will be very long, dear Zack, because I feel like playing with some of Zacks new toys. He got A LOT! BUT, HEY! I GOT A STORY FOR YOU!
So on yesterday, Tommy decided to have his friends sleep over. It was all pretty chills but his friends are so CREEPY! I mean, I shouldnt be scared that a ten year old is gunna rape me, should I? But I am. That Travis, he's all for the sick jokes and that little Jake... well, hes the CREEPIEST! Because I think he really does have some kind of crush on me. He always blushes and stuff. And instread of Travis saying, "your sexy" he says "Your beautiful.." and its like... "okay buddy.... thanks. IM MARRIED AND YOUR TEN." yeah. That wasnt really the story I was gunna tell you.
So a bunch of people came to Zacks birthday party today, and you know Rebekah? The cute little Amish girl whos parents were in a plane crash and she has no guardian? yeah, her. Well, someone might be adopting her; and they've been hanging out lately. So her current guardian lady came to the party... and IT WAS KATIE. You know, Katie? I told the story a few letters ago. it was the day before Zack's FIRST birthday I met her. Remember when Cole went to Calgary and did bad stuff and beat up a guy (the guy died) Katie was that guys girlfriend. I mean, HOW CRAZY IS THAT? Yeah. We were pretty shocked. And then even Claire got Zack a present. Which wasnt necissary cause she barely has money for her kids christmas presents. I hate the way Cole smiled at her (although that smile is sexy)
But Claire is still Claire for now. Unless something happens this week. Then its back to "Hey homewrecker" or "see yah whore"
I love Cole. I missed you yesterday, and he gave me a REALLY BIG HUG. But you know, hes my husband, I think he has too. IM EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS. Titilating.
Yeah, but I dont know what I'm going to get anyone
espesially Cole. UGH. Apparently he has like THE BEST present for me.
He better be taking me back to Aitutaki.
Thats right, I'm setting my standards HIGH. Like a g6.
Im gunna go make some babies.
actually im kissing. I'm not really going to.
I meant to say kidding.
I could go up for some kissing.
MY BUTT HURTS.
Lets talk tomorrow, I'm still pretty busy right now.
Obviously, I have four kids.
WHY CANT I JSUT BE A NORMAL 23 YEAR OLD GIRL?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

He was over 400 pounds, 17 years old.

OH HEY GUYS ITS COLE. Im watching the Biggest loser with Maria right now, she says I need to write to you. I wasn't supposed to tell you she told me to write to you. Im just supposed to be nice. or something. Aw, two people on the biggest loser got skinny and love each other. HE ENGAGED TO HER. Maria thinks its pretty freaking adorable. My proposal was better than his. Maria says it would have been sweeter if we were obese and then lost weight together. How rude. I worked hard on that proposal. It cost a lot. A LOT. Shes taller than him. Man, it would be weird if Maria were taller than me. She's pretty short though. So its all good. Shes actually very short. I don't want Zack to be short when he grows up, he has to play sports. WAIT, THATS BAD PARENTING. He has to do what he loves when he grows up. But I bet that will be sport related. His parents were never really into sports though. I would have been. But I never really got the chance to do any sports. I never had the chance to do much. HEY! NOW YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT ME! UGH STUPID PHONE CALL. I dont want to be a johovana witness. I'm a Catholic man. I like to pray. HEY, NOW YOU KNOW ANOTHER THING ABOUT ME. Lets learn more about Cole. It'll be fun.
- I never had the chance to do much.
- I like to pray.
- I like to think I'm pretty good at getting people to meditate.
- I don't like airplanes. They scare me. A LOT.
- I kind of sort of believe in aliens. (I think they put the moon here)
- I like the moon.
- I like the winter time a lot too. It would be my favorite season if it didnt last so long.
- I'd eat ketchup with anything.
- I fuckin hate crickets.
- I never really liked cars.
- Sometimes when I see a kid with their mom, I wonder if I'm their dad. (Cause its possible)
- I want to go to university.
- I kinda want Zack to have a brother.
goodbye friends.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Hi Zack. Hot girls are sooooo hot. maria is letting me have a sleepover this weekened YAY

Sunday, November 21, 2010

``The Award goes to JUSTIN BIEBER!``


So I'm watching the "American Music Awards" at the moment and Enrique Enlgasias is preforming. His microphone is auto tuned. He can't really sing but he's pretty sexy to he's allowed to cheat. I really like the font of this weeks picture. Its called "A turtle and Two Doves" or something. I think I'm gunna use it more often. I also LOVE how your last name is love, cause it could be "Zack Love's weekly subscription" as in, its YOUR weekly subscription or it could be "Zack loves weekly subscription" like, you just LOVE these weekly subscriptions. WOOOO!! GO ENRIQUE!!!! I think its so sexy when people can speak other languages. When Cole speaks Italian I'm just like DAMN. But italian accents are kind of gross... but Cole doesnt sound like Mario so its all good. I really hate how my name is spelt so close to Mario. Theres such a huge difference though. Mario vs. Maria. Who do you think would win? Miley Cyrus is preforming now. She's actually NOT ripping off her clothes. Sorry dude, but after she wrote "Can't be Tamed" I kinda wanted to... uh. I don't know. I just dont like her anymore. This show is really distracting me :P OKAY, I SHOULD PROBABLY TALK ABOUT OUR WEEK, HEY? I feel like stuff actually happened :)
Stuff that happened: Kay, lets think. MONDAY! Cole won tickets to the PRE SCREENING of Harry Potter, so him, me, AND Tommy all went to see it! OMG ZACK, IT WAS SO AMAZING! I mean, I dont really ever dislike things, but there is no doubt in my mind that that isnt an amazing movie. Did that make sense? The black eyed pees are distracting me. ANYWAY, I REALLY LIKED IT! Voldemort is chasing everyone down, and Harrys all... "DESTROY THE WHORECRUXES!" And I was like, yeah, Harry, please go destroy Claire. And it was kinda weird when Harry and Hermione were having sex in the mist, but you know... whatever. THEN ON TUESDAY... really nothing happened. And Wednesday was pretty normal too. The babies all take a swimming class that day, and I get to watch Cole play with all the kids in the pool. Its very nice to see. :) OOH, KATY PERRY IS SINGING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like watching her sing. So much. Theres a bunch of little boys singing too. I really love her. Really, really... A LOT. She's my favorite. She messed up, but thats okay. I love her. So much. Okay, anyway, Nothing happened on the eighteenth, but I memorized a youtube video :) CLICK THIS! I MEMORIZED THIS! And then proceeded to go to the PREMIERE of Harry Potter with Cole. (Its great, I can go out with him and Claire gets to stay home and babysit. She actually is a really good babysitter, and a good person.) But then on Friday, she kissed Cole. Cole didn't know I was there, I kinda just walked in on the wrong time. I don't really know what to think of it. if anything, it just made me miss all of you. It would be a lot better if I could rant to you. And if you could offer me some kind words, I would be SO happy. Cole and I talked about it. We're both okay. I guess. Cole likes her a lot. And he's starting to admit that. But he wants to fight it. I dont know if he should. Maybe if he just accepts it he'll be fine. I dont know. It's all a little too confusing, and I don't like to think about it. Claire loves him. That's all. And I'm not mad at her. And I'm not mad at Cole. I just wish they didnt love each other so much.
The babies (and Tommy): I can't even believe Zack is almost two. It's like... impossible. I don't want to face the facts :( IT SUCKS. He's growing up too fast, and mummy feels old, and mummy just wants her baby boy. I got lots of baby girls, BUT I WANT MY BABY BOY! Skye is talking a lot now, I LOVE IT! They both do. And the twins are always sitting up. AND TEETHING! THEY ARE BOTH TEETHING! Ivy is probably going to get her teeth a little sooner, but they are both chewing on EVERYTHING! And it's also a little painful for them, but mummy and daddy are helping them through that. But Lily is a little ahead of Ivy in the crawling stage. She's ALMOST there, but Ivy still has quite a ways to go.
Today: Today Tommy ran up to me, and BEGGED me to have his friends over for a sleepover next weekend. I decided he could (I really hope I don't regret that decision) and he got SO EXCITED! It was freakin CRAZY. Cole and I have been going through the kids clothes, donating things the dont use and stuff like that. He wants to go through MY clothes now. Apparently they get everywhere, and new clothes just keep appearing. Hm, thats weird, Cole... I wonder how that happened... :) BUT SERIOUSLY, I DONT WANNA GIVE ANYTHING ELSE UP! But thats what we're about to be up too. After I'm done writing this, its off to the closet for me.
aight Zack, thats whats been up with us this week.
Well, actually, lets break the ice here. Do you feel the tension? or is that just me? I miss you A TON. Maybe the hope is jusst fading more and more, but I don't know really. I just miss you. And I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! IS THAT SO HARD!?!? Uh. Whatever. ONE THING IS FOR SURE: its possible. And if its possible, hope is possible. I just dont know if I should hope. Should I? or am I just getting my hopes up when theres nothing to hope for? Still, I'd rather have false hope than face you being gone. Sorry, I think vulnerable, retarded Maria is starting to come up. Lets call THAT side of me Mario. Cause that is the stupid side.
I really am happy! :D
Cole keeps saying he has THE BEST Christmas present for me. Ever since yesterday, and I'M REALLY CURIOUS. But I have NO IDEA what to get him. what do you want for Christmas? Cool.
ehehehehehehehehhehehehhehehehe. The thought of intercourse just came into my head. How's your sex life going? Mine's PRETTY GOOD, I gotta say. But well, maybe thzat wasnt something I should have said. Taylor Swift sings about Taylor Laughter.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA. "back to December." You heard that song? yeah, its about him.
I think they should get back together. Maria is all for Taylor and Taylor. "So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night. And I go back to December all the time." Thats kinda weird, it reminds me of the times we were douchebags in December. December 15th 2007- remember that? Everything changed that day. For me, anyway. You said you`d always be there to catch me or something like that. YOU LIAR! Its all good though. I got other people to catch me. And memories of you catch me when I fall, too. Your pretty much the only reason I fall though. Well, it isnt YOU. its the missing of you. and the memory of you.
BUT I`M OKAY! REALLY, I AM! I THINK MARIO JUST CAME BACK FOR A SECOND. UGH.
Taylor Swift is really pretty. WHAT, SHES SINGING A SONG NOW THAT SHE DOESNT EVEN SING! `its too late to apologize` I bet you thats what Taylor said to Taylor :(

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Tommy is better than you, Zack.

Dear.. um... Zack. Dear Zack,
im gunna write to u cuz ur the most painless cuz u arnt as cool as the rest of ur family and i dont miss u too bad so i can write to u without being sad. i cant write it anyone else cuz i wanna cry. but u suck so i can. im tommy and i am doing good. maria says i need to write notes here too. we all do but i dunno why maria is just kind of stuiped like that. a lot has changed since u left but its not really bad the only bad thing is that we miss u. the rest is just funny cuz maria is funny now i no its weird how can she be funny? but she is and cole plays video games with me and its lots of fun and JAXON IS LIVING WITH ME AND IT IS SOO FUN. cuz jaxon is claires son and claire is coles ex girlfriend and they had sex when they were teenagers and had jaxon and his sister julia and claire is having an affair with cole lately and its funny but anyway she is broke and has to live with us and its fun cuz me and jaxon are like bffs now. i tell him about Carty cuz Carty is so boss and pro. i have 2 other best friends named travis and jacob he is mexican and i love mexicans and tacos. travis and jaxon are white. so now i got them as best friends but if Carty were here he would be mhy best friend i think u and maria are stuiped cuz just cuz u dont like each other i shoud still get to see Carty. that makes sense right? the scariest thing ever is if carty dosent miss me. i hope he didnt forget about me that really scares me i miss him a lot. i miss kellyanne too i wonder how big her boobs are now and i miss ur wife and even miley. i miss tom too and teddy even tho he is a douchebag. i think i am writing runon sentenses but its not cool to write with grammar. i am awesome and today we went bowling and i did good cole really really really really really really really really really really really sucks but thats ok he is kinda funny and maria is better then we thought she would be. cole and marias babys are annoying but zack is pretty awesome i like him he is almost two. im almost eleven and i think my voice is starting to crack. i dont have a lisp anymore. ya i am awesome anyway here is a pic of me in action.
ps i think we shoud hang out sometime and i am gunna email u more often
MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA

pps: I just wrote with no grammar, but I'm pretty good at using grammar. See? yeah. Cool. BYEEEEE.
I wanna fill the spaces here. BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS TOMMY LIKES BOOBS AND GIRLS AND KISSSING GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND TOMMY THINKS YOUR WIFE IS SEXYY AND TOMMY IS HAPPY CUZ HE LIVES WITH A SEXY GIRL NAMED CLAIRE AND SHE IS SEXY AND I SPY ON HER ALLL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOMMY WANTS TO PULL A PRANK MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA!boobs make girls sexy. But Claires boobs arent really that big but thats okay she is still so sexy. I love the bitch fights Claire and Maria have they always call each other whotres and home wreckers and sluts and skanks. and fun stuff like that. its funny. and they are both sexy so its even better.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Lizzie McQuire

HEY THERE VANESSA.
I need to talk to yah. Maria has been having a lot of "flash backs" today about you guys. And she really misses you. So I got a question for you. When your crying, what does Zack do about it? I mean, Maria cries sometimes. And I comfort her sometimes. But when it comes to her missing you, I don't really know what to do. I mean. SOMETIMES SHE JUST DOESNT STOP CRYING. And it gets me all nervous, and I mean, I'm not really a funny guy. I'm just that awkward cute guy that everyone loves. :) Not that I feel awkward around Maria, its just that its awkward comforting her because she's missing the guy she cheated on me with. I'm Cole. By the way.
hi.
It really bothers me to see Maria so upset about you. She misses all of you SO much, and it hurts me. Because, I mean, she could be so happy if she could go out to starbucks with you sometimes, or name some furniture with Kellyanne, or teach Cartman to cook, or force Zack to watch Harry Potter with him (cause I'm tired of her forcing me too) Its just those simple things that would make her so much more happy. She is a happy girl, but its plain to see that theres this one thing holding her back from being happy to her full potential.
I don't know what to tell her in times like these. I can't say "its okay, you'll see them again." Because we most likely wont see you again. When you miss people, what do you want to hear? People who havent passed on, I mean. Because when someone has passed away, they're gone. There's no hoping they'll come back. But in this case, its like... your missing. And you aren't coming back, but theres still a little space left for hope. And... it's POSSIBLE. That pisses me off so much. If you can be here, I just wish you were here. And if you can't be here, I just wish it was impossible to see you. But then we'd have to go through the grief all over again. And that would suck.
LETS JSUT LAY THIS OUT PLAIN AND SIMPLY.
Come back into our lives. My wife misses all of you way too much, and she needs some more laughs. I could use some, too. Hell, we all could.
But enough about that, theres another reason I gotta talk to you too. You know. Uh. Claire. yeah, I'm sure Maria's told you a wee bit about her. Something kinda happened today, and I'm pretty freaking confused by it. We were just chillin on the couch and then we started fighting. I can't even remember why, but I got so pissed off. She was going on about how I don't love Jaxon and Julia and shit like that, and then I said some shit. And then I blew up in her face and we both shut up. And kinda just looked at each other. And then she kissed me. And I guess it was all fairly... normal. I don't feel very normal telling you this though. Probably because I've kissed you before, or because that's pretty much all I've done with you. But out of all the Love's, your the one I know the best. Actually. Cartman probably is. Maybe I should have written to him instead. But your cooler than him.
Anyway, its not really the kiss that makes it bad. Its that, this time, not a single part of me wanted to stop. I wanted to kiss her. And I kept kissing her until she pulled away. I don't know why I did that. I shouldnt have done that. I'm pretty pissed at myself.
JUST THOUGHT I'D LET YOU KNOW.
Yeah, Cole's still alive.
I still kinda miss you, too.

Monday, November 15, 2010

HARRY HARRY POTTER!

DEAR ZACK,
I LOVE MY HUSBAND SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
He got super sick last night and I stayed up almost all night taking care of him; but he was so intent on getting better and I didn't know why. BUT HE TOTALLY WON SCREENING TICKETS TO HARRY POTTER! So he took me to it tonight, and IT WAS SO AMAZING! SO SOOSOSOSOSOSOSOOSOSOSOOSO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING! I cried when Dobby died, and when Harry was drowning I was freaking out and when Ron came back I was like AAWEEEEEE and it was all so amazing. Anyway, yeah. Thats all i needed to say.
I have SOOOO MUCH WORK TO DO! I shouldnt be emailing you, but whatever. it was a quick one anyway. Just needed to tell you that I love my husband. A LOT.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I decided NOT to talk about Claire in this one.


That is my favorite part of every week. But when it comes to deciding what picture I should use, it all goes blank. If you could look up ANYTHING on Google Images, what would it be? I mean, what is the most AWESOME thing out there? .... um, on second thought, dont answer that. We all know your answer would be dicks, or sexy abs. But, please, I'd rather you refrain from that. Even though the second one DOES suit my fancy... mm, sexy abs. But not abs of STEAL or anything, those guys on those commercials are just discrusting.
I paited my nails like half an hour ago and I'm trying not to get my keyboard all green. It's a christmas green. I really like it, I'm getting in the Christmas mood. I dont know what to get Cole for christmas, its always the HARDEST thing to think of. I don't even remember what I got him last Christmas... hm... wait. why the heck am I talking about Christmas?
I SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT MY SON'S SECOND BIRTHDAY THATS COMING UP! November 29th. YAHOOO! Last year, the day before Zack's birthday, Cole was in a really bad... uh... mood, I guess. And he ran away to Calgary and got high and got into a fight with some guy. (The other guy didnt make it.) I HAVENT REALLY TOLD YOU THIS STORY IN DETAIL, HAVE I? Well, it went a little like this...
I woke up in the middle of the night, and Cole just WASNT there. We werent arguing or ANYTHING OF THE SORT. He was just gone. I stayed up all night, well, I slept, but it was pretty restless. He never answered any of my calls. And he wasnt back by nine in the morning, so Maria went on a little mission. I called Brennah and Jason. Jason answered.
Jason: Hello?
Me: Hi. Do you know where Cole is? I don't know where he went.
Jason: Oh...
He totally knew.
Me: His car is gone. He's been gone since at least one thirty. Cause he wasnt there at 1:30 when I woke up.
Jason: Oh... uh.... thats not good...
Me: Do you have any idea where he is?
Jason: Uh... he was talking to me last night. I don't know where he is but he said he wanted to get high...
Me: Do you know who he's with?
Jason: No idea.
Me: Call him, he'll probably answer to you and then can you call me back?
Jason: Sure.
Okay so skip a few minutes. The phone rang.
Me: Hi.
Jason: He's in Calgary, but he wont tell me who he's with. He says he's safe but he doesnt sound right.
Me: Do you know what he did last night at all?
Jason: I dont know. I think he was with a girl.
Me: Kay, thank you. Tell me if you know anything else blah blah blah blah
Jason: blah blah blah blah blah blah bye
I didnt have time to be mad at the fact that he jsut ditched, got high, and more than likely cheated on me. I was too busy being RESPONSIBLE. I brought Zack and Skye, Tommy went to a friends house. The car ride was so long, but the kids were really good. When I got close I called Cole and he picked up.
Cole: HELLO?
Ma: Hi Cole, its Maria. Calm down. Answer these questions.
Cole: Okay, what?
Maria: Are you high?
Cole: Yes and drunk but I want to come home and I’m sorry and-
Maria: Okay, Cole. Where’s your car?
Cole: I don’t know Maria, I’m sorry, Maria wait. I’m hurt. I think-
Maria: Okay, whatever you do, don’t get in that car. Are you okay?
Cole: No, no, it hurts. My head hurts and my face.
Maria: Do you remember what happened?
Cole: Got into a fight. Cause there was a guy and he pissed me off so I punched him.
Maria: What are you feeling?
Cole: Tired. I’m so tired but it’s not even normal and I’m bleeding too much and I think you should call 9-1-1 because I forget what their number is.
Maria: Okay, love. Tell me what you see and where you are.
Cole: I’m in a back alley like in the movies. And by the alley is a hotel thing. A crappy one. It’s in the main city part I think.
Maria: Can you read me a sign you see?
Cole: Holiday- in- Express-
Maria: I’ll call you back. Stay awake.
Cole: Where are you going Ma? Don’t leave.
Ma: I’m going to call 9-1-1 for you and I’ll call you right back.
Cole: Thank you Maria, thank you. I’m sorry I love you.
Maria: I love you too, bye.
Then I called 911, then found the alley. And i was SO shocked. There was him, and this other guy, on the pavement. Bleeding. A lot. Like, they were DYING. More the other guy than Cole. Cole's head and lip were the worst. The other guy... well, he was bleeding so much i didnt know where it was coming from. They were both unconcious.
Maria: COLE, WAKE UP.
He didnt. But he was breathing and he seemed like he'd be okay. Then I heard this voice. It was really weak. I turned over to the other guy. he was dying.
Ma: Hang in there, the ambulance is coming.
I reached into his jean pocket and found a cell, then I strolled down his contacts list.
Maria: You married? Just nod.
He nodded no.
Maria: You live with your mom?
He nodded no again.
Maria: Live with your girlfriend?
Man: Katie.
He whispered. I found the Katie on his list and dialed the number.
Ka: Hi, where are you?
Ma: Hi. Sorry this isn’t your boyfriend. He got into a fight in some back alley with my husband. I called an ambulance for the both of them.
There was silence for a few long seconds.
Ka: Is he okay?
Ma: He’s half- Conscious but he has serious injuries. The ambulance Is here now. Will you meet me at the hospital? My name’s Ma Faith.
Ka: Okay, thank you. I’ll be right there. Can you stay on the phone with me?
Ma: Yeah. But I have to talk to the ambulance people really quick.
Ka: Okay.
Ambulance guy?: Is this your husband?
Ma: No. But help both of them please.
Ambulance guy?: For sure.
They started loading the guys and I talked to Ka on the phone, and we both comforted each other. I got in the my car with the babies and the long trip to the hospital began. I talked to Ka the whole way and we got to the hospital around the same time.
I was in the waiting room, sitting with my babies, X playing with a single toy on my lap, Sk sleeping in her carrier. A girl went up to the desk, and I wasn’t paying attention until I heard her say my name.
Ma: I’m right here.
I called out.
Ma: Are you Ka?
She looked at me and shook her head in amazement.
Ka: Yeah.
She took the chair beside me.
Ka: you’re… really pretty. Sorry if that sounds weird…
Ma: It’s not. Thanks. I like your eyes. Green. I like green eyes.
Ka: Thanks. Are these yours?
Ma: Yeah.
Ka: They’re cute. Really cute. How old are they?
Ma: This guy, X, he turns one tomorrow. And the baby girl, Sk, she’s 2 months.
Ka: My God, she looks like a new born.
Ma: She’s pretty premature.
Ka: Oh.
Ma: Look, I’m sorry for what my husband did. He never does these things, he’s a good guy. He just… well, something happened and he went out and got all high and drunk and screwed up. I live near Edmonton and he was all the way out here. I had no idea.
Ka: It wasn’t your fault, and I don’t totally blame… what’s his name?
Ma: Co.
Ka: I don’t completely blame Co. A lot of it was Steven’s fault. He gets angry easily. Got mad at me, probably got mad at Co.
Ma: I hope he’s okay.
But when I saw him in the alley, I knew he wouldn’t be okay.
Ka: I do too. And Co. I hope he’s okay. Especially if he has two babies. They’re really close in age, aren’t they?
Ma: Nine months apart.
Ka: Wow.
Ma: *smiles* Yeah.
OKAY, THIS IS GETTIN INTO TO MUCH DETAIL. Anyway, Steven passed away and Cole was okay. :( I'm sorry. This was supposed to be about my week,wasnt it? Oops.
SO, ZACKS SECOND BIRTHDAY! It will be much better than the first.
ANOTHER THING TO BE EXCITED FOR IS HARRY POTTER! Cole got us tickets for the PREMERE! YES, I GET A DATE WITH COLE! SCOOORRE! Not much happened this week. Man, my life has to get more exciting. I really am excited for Christmas. And I love Katy Perry. A LOT. I'm hungry.
BUT ONE GREAT THING WITH IVY HAPPENED TODAY! SHE CAN SIT UP ALL BY HERSELF, TOO!! YAYY!!! Now all our family can sit. How wonderful. They're five months old now. WOW. Its so amazing, actually. I LOVE BABIES! In fact, I took quite a few pictures of my beautiful 5 month olds. OH BTW, they had some REAL food this week and both LOVED it! Lily LOVES apple sauce, and Ivy... well, she just loves EVERYTHING!
Okay dude, Im hungry so I'm gunna jet but I LOVE YOU. And you rock. Etc etc.
Mariaxx

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I get it.

Hi Zacko.
This is gunna be a quick one because its midnight and I'm tired as HELLL.
Yesterday I had a dream that you an your whole fam jam were homeless, and you had to come live with us! Ha. I wish you could take Claires place. ...but, I'd prefer you stay away from Cole.
Anyway, Claire is a whore. I love her, but I WISH SHE WOULD JUST GO AWAY AND NEVA EVA COME BACK! She totally hacked this email.
And she KISSED COLE'S CHEEK? WTF!?!?! Cole never told me that. :(
whatever, its nothing to freak the fuck out about. I'll just go tell him he shoulda told me. And then he's gunna be like "I'm sorry, I was going to but-" And then I'm gunna cut him off and say "but you liked it." And then he'll be like; fuck. shes right. And then say "I'm sorry, Maria." And I'll say "Whatever, Cole." And then turn around and not sleep close to him; and then he'll feel bad about it and all will be good again. If the definition is "living with a whore/home wrecker"
Aight. I better go get mad at Cole.
good night.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I'm Claire. Hows THAT for a grabber?

Hey there. How are you doing? I've never talked to you before, but hacking Maria is pretty fun. Now you get to guess who I am! Wow, I feel pretty retarded writing to you. You probably wont read this anyway, but I know it makes Maria feel a lot better when she writes to you because then she has hope you'll find this. I guess it IS possible. Oh, by the way, I'm Claire. CLAIRE BRIELLE FORGENSON. Ew, what a fucking gross last name. I really do prefer something like your last name, or Coles. Claire Brielle Faith. That just sounds good, doesnt it? And I don't mean it in a home wrecker kinda way... well, for the most part. WHATEVER. MARIAS A WHORE. And quite the slut, so I'm allowed to be a home wrecker. ...Right?
What was life like when Maria home wrecked you? I'm really curious. I hear she wasnt as big a slut. She went all slut on us when you left. So you should come back. Then I wont have the need to kill her. Actually, as long as she's with Cole, I think I'll probably feel that way. Don't get me wrong. I love her. But I'm just SO FUCKING JEALOUS. Who couldnt be? I mean, she's the most beautiful person in existence. She makes people love her. It pisses me off. She's so sweet to EVERYONE, and so funny, and so light hearted, and so heavy hearted at the same time. She can relate to EVERYONE so well, and she has such a way with words. And she sounds like an angel. I want her vocal box. I want her body, and her hair, and her eyes. BUT MOST OF ALL, I WANT HER HUSBAND! Im amazed that she cheated on him once. Who the hell would cheat on Cole? You must be PREETTTYYY sexy. Or maybe she's just a really big whore. Probably a little bit of both. She pretty much only associates with sexy people anyway. Except me. I should get prettier.
Anyway, thats not the point I was trying to get at. The point was, if you DO ever come across this blog. Go back to Maria. And the rest of them. They miss you a lot, and they are all super awesome people; despite how much I bash Maria. Maria's right. I DO have Cole. Apparently when you and her were in the position me and Cole are in now, Maria said she didnt have you. That she needed you as more than a friend. I said that about Cole. But Maria has taught me a heck of a lot. She had you, and she never realized it. If I don't realize that I DO have Cole, he'll be gone too. Man, I love Cole. So much.
I kissed his cheek today :) AND COLE TOTALLY SMILED AFTER I DID! Maria wasnt home. She doenst know yet. But WHO CARES? COLE LIKED IT! :D Anyway, nice talking to you, Zack/marias ex

Sunday, November 7, 2010

A Hug from a Bug.


Heyyooo, my name is MARIOOOO. no, not Mario. I mean... MariOOOOO. with the rolled R and what not. You know. Like Rico. From Hannah Montana. Thats what I meant.
Hey Zack. I decided your weekly subscriptions are going to be on Sunday. Because then I can tell you how old the twins are, WEEK BY WEEK! Exciting, I know. Now I can blabber on about my children forever and ever; and there is NOTHING you can do about it! MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! I love Rico from Hannah Montanta. Man, you don't even understand the love I have for that boy. Okay, cool. Now onto real life.
Hm. Not too much has been going on in Zackaroni's life. But he's having a great time hanging out with Uklommy and Akon. (They're getting pretty annoyed of him, though) He's pretty chills with Claire living with us, unlike his mumma who freakin hates it. I don't know what he should call Claire, but he better NOT end up calling her AuntyAir. Cause I'm scared thats what its gunna end up being. She should just be air. Thats sounds cool. And then she goes with Skye. But I dont want her to go with Skye. I kinda just want her to get the heck out, to be honest.
Aw man, I really feel the need to look up why cats like temptations so much. Cause DAMN, EVEN MY DOGS LIKE IT! Did I mention that my kitty passed away? The end of summer, he did. I dont know why. Man, I miss that guy. Rascal, he was a good cat. He killed all our mice. Oh well, Ayden does that too. WE HAVENT EVER REALLY TALKED ABOUT MY DOGS, HAVE WE!? Oh man, Dream is almost three years old! You got her for me, remember? Yeah, and for no particular reason. I think it was cause... oh lord, I dont even know. Probably because I'm so fricken awesome. I get dogs every day for being so awesome. Anyway, yeah. Dream rocks. She's pretty chill. Ayden isn't. I kinda regret getting him, he's an annoying little fuck. But life just wouldnt be the same without him. Man, I can't find ANYTHING on the Internet about why temptations are so damn good. Hm. Maybe I should just try one and see for myself... (I think I'm convinced now)
OKAY, ON TO SKYE! She's good. Yep. She's expanding her language, and she can walk without tripping! (for the most part) What does her language consist of? Dance, tutime (tutu time), mumma, dada, No, Ack (Zack). I think thats it. But she's improving. I would make a list for Zack, but he's starting to talk A LOT! here, I'll rant off ten in like, ten seconds.
hi, bye, NO, yes, kittycat, puppy, poopy, your, hot, pretty.
Yeah, he calls me pretty. And poopy... But sometimes he calls daddy kittycat. And then Cole sounds like a pussy, so we're all good. MAN, I'M HUNGRY! What should Maria eat today? Hmmmm. brb. OOH, I WANT CEREAL! I'll hurry up this email and go eat some.
SHUT UP, MARIA. THEY ARENT EMAILS ANYMORE.
You, Zack Love, are a douche bag. Go wash your vag.
whoa, wtf. I have some crazy ADD today, let me tell you. Or maybe thats just my mind from living with a slut all week. Cole rocks though. I get presents from him ALL THE FRICKEN TIME, just so we can make Claire jealous ;) Well, Cole says its too let her know he wants me. But I think its just to make her jealous. SHE SHOULD BE JEALOUS. COLE IS SEXY AND HES MINE! I think I have a lot of spelling errors in this one, I can't wait to SPELL CHECK it. WHHHOOOODFJADSFHAJSKDHFKASJDF.
Okay- the twins. They are TWENTY TWO WEEKS OLD! And 147 days old :D Cool. LILY SAT UP ALONE THIS WEEK! YAAAAAYYY LILY! Ivy can laugh :D It's great. Their personalities are really starting to show, but hell, they've always shown. They make cooing noises all the time and are JUST SUCH A JOY TO US ALL. Lily is still waking up in the middle of the night. Next week we are going to get them to try something thats not milk. It'll be good. EXCITING!
Yeah; thats basically it. I'm gunna eat cereal now.
Sending LOL your way. (lots of love.. like the sexy monkey and cat thing in that picture)
Mariaxx oo xx oo xx oo xx oo xx oo xx oo xx oo xx oo xx oo xx oo xx oo xx oo
okay, im having too much fun for my own good.
BYEBYEBEYEYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBEYBYEBEYBEYBEYEBYEBBE.
lurrrrveee you BBG.
what a fugly beast. SMACK SMACK SMACK IM GUNNA PLANT ONE ON YOUR TOOOSH.
THATS RIGHT, KISS MY ASS!
Ahem. Lets try this again.
Sending lots of love your way,
Mariaxx

Saturday, November 6, 2010

hey its tommy writing

Hi
Stupid Microsoft word is a piece of shit so I have to write on this thing. As we all know, Cl has been living with us for the past week. I thought I should just give an update. This Hi Bye will probably suck. I just need to jot down Cl's patterns in the past week.
Day one, Cl kept her distance. We all did our own things for the most part.
Day two, we had a few laughs. Still kinda kept our distance though. We avoided THE TOPICS (of her being broke, and her and Co)
Day three, we laughed even more. Cl and Ma started to joke about each other being a whore. The topic of her being broke still remains un talked about.
day four, Cl is pretty settled in. We're all getting comfortable with her being here, and Co is giving Ma a bunch of gifts and kisses; hinting to Cl that he doesnt want her.
Day five, All is good. Ma seems a little upset that Cl is here, but everyone is respectful of each other.
And here we are at day six. Its pretty much been the same as yesterday, Ma still seems a little upset about Cl, but not as much as yesterday. But I think theres a tiny little twist today. Cl seems a little upset. The babies were all asleep, so was Ju and me and Ja were just chilling with the three adults. Co and Ma were cuddling on the couch, Cl was snuggled up in the lounge chair. Me and Ja were on the love seat. We were watching TV.
Co: You okay?
He looked at Cl. She looked at him, but not at his eyes.
Cl: I'm tired.
Co: Oh, you look upset.
Cl: Nope.
She looked away really quickly.
Ma: Hey, whore? *smiles*
Cl looked at Ma and smiled.
Cl: Yes, slut?
Ma: Whats wrong?
Cl: Nothing, I'm seriously just tired.
Lies.
Co: Come here.
Cl immediately got up and sat by Co. She loved it.
Co: Whats wrong?
Cl: I'm just tired.
Ma: Then go to bed.
Cl: No.
Co: We're only going to try so long to get the truth out of you.
Cl: Theres nothing to even say, I guess I'm upset but why shouldn't I be?
Ma: The home wrecker's got a point.
Co: Well you know you can talk to us about it. Don't just keep it to yourself, that only makes it harder.
Cl: You already know everything. There's no point in talking about it. Whenever we end up talking about things I end up crying and you end up kicked out of the house and Ma ends up hurt. The three of us just don't go together.
Ja: You said it, mom.
T: Agreed. You guys equal a train wreck. And some really awesome hi byes, but for the most part, you guys could never have a threesome.
Ma: Um. Ew.
Co: Kay, well, in my mind; you have two problems. The money thing, and me. Which one is bothering you right now?
Cl: Both. but mostly you, I think.
Co: What about me?
Cl: You and Ma, it just pisses me off. I don't want you to love her. But you should be with me.
Co: But I do, and I'm not.
Cl: Yep.
Co: *sighs* Cl.
Cl: Yeah?
Co: I don't mean to hurt you, but theres no other way to say it. You just have to get over it.
Cl: Thanks, but I already know thats what I have to do. Too bad I can't do that.
Ma: Sure you can. Go to the bar and pick up some guy, and you'll be all better.
Not gunna lie, she said that in a pretty bitchy way.
Co: Well, not necessarily that, but... something along those lines.
Cl: No. I'm not settling for anything less than you.
Co: Wanna settle for someone MORE than me? Cause I'm sure theres another guy who is 10x awesomer than me.
Cl: Or not.
Ma: Meow.
Yep. This isnt even worthy of being a hi bye. its just a.. H.

Letter to Vanessa (#9)

TEN REASONS WHY I HATE CLAIRE:
1) She's a whore.
2) She's a home wrecker.
3) She's a slut.
4) She's trying to steal MY man.
5) She's "in love" with MY husband.
6) She calls me a whore. She tries to make it sound like a joke, but I know she's serious. Whatever. I call her out on everything she is.
7) She's a bitch.
8) She's irresponsible.
9) She makes me feel like a bad person because I can't think of anything nice to say about her.
10) She's really fucking gorgeous.
11) She makes Cole want her.
12) She rubs it in my face.
13) She tries to joke about it.
14) She isnt funny.
15) She never lets me and Cole be alone.
16) Shes a whore.
Oh sorry. Those were sixteen things, not ten.
I feel like such a bitch after writing that, but I mean ALL of it. For the most part, she's been really respectful of us. And I've been respectful to her too. But we both know we're just pretending. We dont like each other. I dont want her living with us. Grrrrrrrrrr. I dont know if I'm jealous or what, but I really just want her to leave.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Hollow EEN.

Hey Zack.
I thought now would be a great time to show you some Halloween pictures. I feel like I should say something funny and witty, but I'm living with a slut; so please dont expect much from me. I'm tired, and I just want her to leave. But I gotta give Cole credit because he's making it perfectly clear that he's in love with ME. He bought me starbucks, and flowers, and candles :D Hm. Maybe Claire should stick around. I'm getting lots of presents :D
I miss you a lot today, BTW. It really sucks. My goal IS TO FEEL CLOSER TO YOU. Sounds good? Good. Tomorrow, expect an email. Actually, I might email your wife tomrorow so dont get too excited for one.
Sorry, I shouldnt call them emails. I dont even know what they are anymore.
BUT, ENOUGH OF THIS RUBBISH. TAKE A LOOK AT SKYE.




Monday, November 1, 2010

Letter to Vanessa (#8)

I can't believe I'm about to explain this AGAIN!
Don't get me wrong, Halloween was great. The kids were adorable and had a great time trick or treating. It was after the kids went to bed where things went wrong. Yes, Claire was over. So was my new buddy, Zach. And yeah, he does remind me a little of your husband. Lets just lay it out how it is.
All four of us were in the basement drinking.
I got a little drunk and decided to go upstairs to clean the kitchen.
Zach decided to help me.
We were just fooling around. He was tickling me and we were laughing.
And somewhere in the midst of all the laughs, Zach Gray became Zack Love.
I stopped and stared at him. He stared at me.
He probably knew what I was thinking. He knew about Zack.
He told me his girlfriend broke up with him.
That there was 'someone else'
And then he leaned in and kissed me.
And I loved it.
And it was wrong.
Then Claire came upstairs and saw us, and told Cole who was really upset about it. We talked in private and left Zach and Claire alone. We made up. When we came back, Zach and Claire were making out. We made Zach leave (but I know that he's going through a lot right now, and I will forgive him later) and Claire explained herself. She was SO upset. She told us that she was trying to hide it, but for a while she thought Cole was the only one that mattered, and she only thought about him and cared about him. She lost her job. She cant pay off her bills; not any of them. She can barely keep food on the table for her kids. So we let her in our house.
That's right, the girl I've been ranting about is currently living with us. In fact, shes sitting beside Cole on the couch right now. Today, they were good. But I'm scared for tomorrow. And every waking minute after that.

Ham with Natural Ingredients.


WOW, WHAT A WELCOME! Wasnt that just AMAZING? Yeah, I thought so. So, I bet your wondering what the heck has been going on with me, my family, and my life? Sweet.
The Family: has been doing great. HOLY. CRAP. Halloween was like the CUTTESSST thing ever. We took them all out to Jeremy's neighborhood, and took them in a wagon and went trick or treating. Zack loved it. He ran from house to house and said PLEASE and THANKOO. Skye was a lot more shy, but there was this smile on her face the entire night. She waddles around like a little penguin, and sometimes falls on her bum because shes still getting used to the whole walking thing. At the end of the night, we had TONS of candy and four exhausted babies. Super hero Ivy was out like a light fifteen minutes in. But Lily's eyes were wide open the entire time. She stared at everyone who walked by in their costumes and listened to all the "TRICK OR TREAT!"'s. She loved it. They all did. And, once again, they were all SO cute. Skye makes the cutest monkey sounds, and Lily is sweet as a strawberry, and Ivy is just SUPER adorable, and Zack is a crazy caterpillar. I'm a coool mom. Tommy had fun too. He was safe, and he called to check in, and he had SO much candy. Our house is a wrapper-full mess. :) All in all, my family rocks. And they are cute as hell.
The Maria: is in a pickle. A big pickle. Let me tell you WHY.
The most Significant Part of the Week: After trick or treating, Jeremy came to our house and bonded with the babies upstairs. Jaxon came over after trick or treating with Tommy, and so did Claire. And my new friend, Zach. We were all chillin. IT WAS FUN! We drank a little, but apparently, for me, a little is a lot. I got kinda. You know. drunk. And Zach and me were cleaning up the kitchen, while Claire and Cole were chilling in the basement. OH, YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING? COLE AND CLAIRE DOING STUFF? WELL! YOUR WRONG! w r o n g. This time..
(it was me. i was the bitch who cheated) Zach just started tickling me, and he reminded me of you, AND I WAS DRUNK! And then he told me his girlfriend broke up with him, because there was 'someone else' and then I felt like I could relate to him and then he leaned in and kissed me. and then Claire walked in, and then Cole was all upset, and then I was all upset. So me and Cole went to go talk about it, and I had a pretty good cry, and he was all "its okay." cause he had a pretty good understanding of why I did it. But then when we walked back into the living room, ZACH AND CLAIRE WERE MAKING OUT. WTFFFFFFFF. They stopped. I said "Zach. What the hell" and he said sorry, but he didnt mean it. So then it was BYE BYE ZACH. He left. I'll talk to him later, but right now he has some issues to work out. So do I. Then Cole says "Claire. What the hell." And she just breaks down. She was so upset and so ashamed. And when we asked why, she said "I lost my job. I didnt tell anyone. I cant pay off any bills, and so many of them are coming in the mail. I cant pay any of them. The electricity is going to go off any second, the water is going to stop working. I just cant pay the bills. We're going to lose the house. I can barely feed the kids and keep them in school. Its because I started to slack off. All I could thinking about was getting you back. All I wanted was you. nothing else seemed to matter. Your all I can think about and I cant get my life on track and we're going to be homeless and cold." Zack, you dont even understand. The way she said it. She was just SO sorry. And SO scared. and SO hopeless.
So you can guess where we are at this point, cant you?
Well, the spare room is taken.
We got three new people living with us at the moment. Claire, Jaxon, and Julia. Right now, I have to trust Cole that he wont do anything with Claire. I hope I can trust him.
Claire was good today. Really good. She was just so blessed she had a warm, safe place to stay.
Holy crap. I HAVE TO TELL YOUR WIFE WHAT JUST HAPPENED! We have good talks about Cole and Claire.