Sad Maria is Sad.

Hey Vanessa. :)
I'm sorry if I'm not all funny, or whatever the hell it is I usually am when I write these. I'm still really sick, and so is Zack, and Tommy's getting sick too. And we're leaving on our cruise on Friday and we're all getting sick and I'm so unprepared. It's so hard to keep this all a secret from Claire, she knows we're going, but she doesn't know she's coming too. Jaxon and Julia don't know either. Well, maybe Tommy slipped the tongue... hahahha, slipped the tongue. Not only that, but I'm getting that Spring Break fever. I wouldn't take that week back for the life of me, but the sadness now sucks. I just miss you all so much. And I feel so stupid for wasting seven years, you know? I had seven years to make things right and I didn't do it because I always wanted more. All I want, all I've ever wanted, was to be happy with all of you. I know now that cheating everyone and home wrecking you wasn't the way to achieve that, and I don't even feel that way about Zack anymore, I just wish we all could have hung out. I wish we could have rented a movie and eaten our weight in food, mostly chocolate. That would have been so cool, all 12 of us watching a movie together and eating and laughing. I wish I could have gone out for morning coffee with you at Starbucks, and talked about our lives and stuff. I wish the two of us could have been friends more than anything. I wish we could have had played music together and sang songs about stupid things.
AND ME AND YOU COULD HAVE GONE FOR SUSHI!!

I wish I could have made cookies with Cartman, and hung out with Miley and Kellyanne and you... I wish we could have gone camping, just the girls. And then the guys could have done whatever the fuck they wanted to. There are so many things we could have done that we didn't do, and I wish they could happen. I'm so mad at myself. I wanted that so bad. I want it more everyday. But with every passing day, my hope fades a little more. But I'll never forget you.
I wish you could see these. I wish you read them. It wouldn't really matter if we weren't together, I'd like that, but if you just read these, and commented on them... God, I'd be so happy.
I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just really down in the dumps. I love you Vanessa Love. God, I don't even know your middle name. Or your maiden name. I don't even know Zack's middle name, I don't think he has one. Actually the only middle name I do know is that Cartmans middle name is Kenny.
But lets assume you read these. Or that one day you will. Do you know all our middle names? And maiden names? We never really got to know each other.
Well, Vanessa, you probably know my maiden name is Love. My middle name is Lilianna. Not LiliAAHHHnna. It's LiliAWEnna. Bet yah didn't know THAT.
Cole's middle name is Matthias. You might have known that.
Tommy's is Jackson, you know that cause he hated it.
Zack's is Cartman.
Skye's is Ella.
Ivy's is Kelly.
Lily's is Anne.
Claire's is Brielle, Jaxon's is Taylor, Julia's is Tessa.
We have a lot of people in our house. Maybe that's why I'm in such a bad mood. Nah, the more the merrier. It's just Claire. She's going to be so happy that she's going on the cruise too. It'll be like me when we went to Aitutaki in 2009. Dear God I hope Cole and Claire don't do the shit me and Zack did. AARGHHH. I HATE PUTTING THEIR NAMES TOGETHER. Cole and Claire, why the fuck does it have to sound so good? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Alright my dear friend, I'm going to catch some zzzzzs.
Is that how you'd spell that?
I love you Vanessa.
I'm really sorry I never got to say that to you.