Honey, I'm home.

Hey ZackLove.
er... Don't you just hate that awkward moment when you realize that Maria is writing to you two days in a row? WEEIIRRD. But I decided I would. Because, well, its December 13th. Yeah, I know this date means nothing to you. But I'm a creep, and I memorize dates; so this day means TWO things to me.
1) The twins are SIX MONTHS old!
2) Its been TWO YEARS since an awesome day I had with YOU.
But lets focus on number one right now. SIX MONTHS OLD?
This really concerns me. I will never have a newborn baby again. Never. Because the twins are the youngest. And now they're six months old. I CANNOT believe its been half a year since they came into our lives. I mean, the earth has gone HALF WAY AROUND THE SUN! This is pretty ridiculous. You know, I went through this with Zack and Skye, but with Ivy and Lily the feeling is DOUBLED. (probably because they're twins) ... I mean, its so exciting to watch them grow and learn new things, but when I go to bed, I think about them being newborns. Which is weird, because when they were newborns, I thought about them at this stage. I should probably just live in the moment, hey? I mean, every ones heard it a thousand times; "Enjoy every minute, they grow old too fast!" And now I'm really realizing that time really does go by too fast. Not VERY fast, TOO fast. Honestly, it needs to slow down. But it can't. So I guess I should just learn to cherish better. Yeah, that's it. I need to cherish better. It's just sad knowing that those moments are gone. They happened, and they aren't happening again. I'm never going to hold my own newborn again, I'm never going to have to wake up every three hours again (okay, so I'm thankful for that one), I'm never going to breastfeed again, and I'm never going to shop in the newborn section again :(
I also wish time would slow down because, honestly, TWO FREAKING YEARS SINCE THAT DAY!?!?! What IS THIS WORLD COMING TOO!?!?! Dumbledore would not let this happen. Okay, since the only person who remembers dates that don't even need to be remembered is me, I'm going to explain to you what exactly happened on December 13th 2008. Well, I guess it was to be remembered. Because it made the old Maria happy. KEYWORD= OLD. I'm not a home wrecker any more, and the thought of you as anything more than a friend is weird as fuck. Because your more like a brother to me, yah know? BROTHA FROM ANOTHER MOTHA. BFFS FO LIFE!! ... in my mind, anyways. MUAHAHHA, anyway- so; this was that day when I was being a whiny little bitch and wanted to, I don't even know what, but I wanted to do something with you. Or, be something with you. Don't even ask, its awkward for me to talk about too. Kissing my brother? YUCK AS FUCK. ... and no, I don't think I wanted to fuck you. Just... kiss you. I guess. I wanted you to love me the way I loved you, that's it. I don't know why. I was stupid. Anyway, we were just talking. And. stuff. It was that day. You know? Wait; that pretty much described any day we spent together. Wow. REGRET. A HUGE WAVE OF REGRET JUST WASHED OVER ME. It always does. I was so FUCKING STUPID. But, to put it in better words, it was that day we were talking and I was like:
"Well, what are we? Cause we aren't friends"
"I don't know. Its like we're noting. We're just invisible."
"I think we're broken."
"Yeah, we're broken."
And, fuck. I WAS SO STUPID. Anyway, us being broken made me feel good, because, I mean, we were broken together; and I was a stupid bitch; and I was your only broken; and I was a stupid bitch.
Good day, good day.
But trust me, I don't miss it.
I just miss the happiness, is all.
And I miss you.
And I wish we could have chilled.
And actually be chill. Not:
"LOVE ME, ZACK!!"
"No, GTFO Maria."
Okay, so that's why I wanted to write to you. It's not like I'm really missing you today, in fact, it was worse yesterday. But I'll probably be writing to you again soon, because December 15th 2007 was another one of those days.
I hate that awkward moment when I realize that Zack doesn't want me to write to him. Too bad, suck it up.
I have mentioned before that I'm sorry for being a whiny, annoying, depressed, stupid, bitchy home wrecker, right? I'm pretty cool now. No need to worry about me.