DAMN. :(

Hi Vanessa.
I haven't written to you in a while, but this one is gunna have to be short. Don't ask why. If your a mother of four kids and a guardian of a FREAKING ANNOYING little boy, you'll understand. In my world, you'd be ready for bed five minutes after waking up. And we've been busy lately with CHRISTMAS COMING UP!! :D So, yeah. Anyway, there was a quick something I wanted to tell you.
Today, Julia had this Christmas musical at her school, and she had a pretty big part in it. We all went there, and she was freaking adorable. And then at the end, she ran into Cole and Claire's arms, and I think something just hit me. I mean, Cole pretty much has this whole other life. He has two kids with another girl; and in some retarded way, they're a family of their own. And they all love each other so much, and I feel like I'm getting in the way. There must have been something in the way she lit up when she saw "mummy and daddy", or something in Cole and Claire's smiles, when they saw her and looked at each other. Maybe it was when their son, Jaxon, took a picture of the three of them hugging each other and said "This ones going in the memory books." Whatever it was, it freaking killed me. I KNOW Cole loves his other family, and I KNOW I'm holding him back from loving them the way he should. I want him to be as happy as he can, but he can't just have two families. Can he? I don't know if what I'm doing, whatever I'm doing, is right or wrong. I could really use your advice right now. But we'll talk later, okay? I'm tired, and I think I'm gunna talk to Cole about this whole ordeal. THANKS FOR LISTENING! :)
Mariaxx