Stuff about Claire.

Hi. I'm Claire. I'm 23. I was born on April 23rd 1987. I'm a single mom with two 7 year old kids- Jaxon and Julia. Although, if I had to give myself a "relationship status" it would be "its complicated." I love photography, and SNOW BOARDING! Winter is the best, the snow is the best. I wish gay people were treated good by everyone. I think its like.. my PASSION to stand up for homophobia. I like to laugh. I like a little breeze. I like kisses, too.
I was only 15 when I had my first love, but he was just so amazing; you couldn't help but to fall in love with him. And as lucky as I was, he loved me back. It was Cole, obviously. And I'm obviously still very much in love with him. He's the father of my babies, and he's one of my best friends. He just never chose me. And it fucking sucks. His wife is like my sister now. She's so amazing, and so beautiful. You can't not love Maria. But you can't not love Cole either.
My parents are really awesome. We were always really close, until I rebelled against them and got pregnant when I was 15. They are super religious, but we're still pretty close. However, I can't live with them for whatever reason. I had an apartment, until I lost my job and lost everything; and now I'm living with Cole.
I ATE SO MUCH TODAY! I woke up and had some Captain Crunch cereal with Cole while Maria slept in, and then I had some bacon that Cole made for Maria when she woke up and then I went to Starbucks with Maria and had a yummy bread thing and then I had some vegetables at around 2:30 and then I had some salad around 5 and then I had A CHICKEN CAESAR CREPE!! YAYYYYYYY!! Mmmm, I'm hungry now. ANYWAY, my definition of love: (if you haven't noticed already, I've been told what to write about:)
Love is really fucking complicated.
enough. said.
My day was good. I pretty much described it with the food thing, because food=LIFE. Throw a lot of screaming kids and jealousy in there, and you have described my day.
My best friend would have to be Maria. I had a lot of friends before, but again, they are really religious and things just aren't the same since I had an affair with Cole. I still love them, but now that I live with Cole and Maria, I have this bond with Maria that... well, I don't know how to describe it other than its like we're SISTERS. We're jealous of each other, and we show hatred towards each other but we both just kind of KNOW that we love each other, and when I'm down, she helps me. Cause she's all wise and shit. I know if we were sisters I'd be the older one, but I swear, SHE'S LIKE EDWARD CULLEN! SHE HAS THE MIND OF AN 108 YEAR OLD!!
The next topic is just "a moment" And all the moments I can think of are with Cole but when I talk about him in that way I'm scared you'll think I'm a psycho bitch. I feel like I come off that way sometimes.
Okay. Here it is. I'm Mormon. But seriously, half those stereotypes about us aren't true. I just love my family a lot and I love my church. It's not like I dress so you can't see ANY of my skin or anything. I drink alcohol. I was never really planning on it, but I guess I did go against my religion. In more ways than one. I guess I'm more Catholic now, but, again, I love my church and I love God.
I wore sweats and a sweater today.
I'm an ONLY CHILD! Yeah, theres something else that is weird due to my religion. Truth is, my parents wanted a billion kids but they couldn't get pregnant. But, somehow, THEY GOT ME! :D My mom has what I have, ovarian cancer, not so bad, but not so good. She couldn't have babies. Luckily, I was diagnosed with mine after I had my twins.
What's in my bag? A million things. Like 5 lipsticks, my wallet, a bunch of loose change, pictures of Jaxon and Julia- and a picture of the ultrasound of Juliette, mittens, a hat, probably a fucking scarf, pens, a notepad, an extra camera battery, a crappy little camera, and um..... a lot of receipts :P
This week has been pretty bad as far as finding a job goes but pretty good because I haven't been getting jealous of Cole and Maria or anything... actually, Cole and Maria have been having some issues with each other- I'm not too sure what they are, but theres no need for me to be jealous. I don't really like being around that though. And Cole and Maria arguing means I'm doing A LOT of babysitting.
If I described my dreams, I'd sound like that psycho bitch again. But, uh, its basically marrying Cole and having another kid. Maria isn't in any of my dreams.
I remember my first kiss. I was 13. It was nothing special or anything. Some boy liked me i grade 7, and I liked him and we kissed once and then we were all awkward and never spoke again. I don't even remember his name.
My favorite memory ALSO makes me sound like a psycho bitch but it was just one night when I was with Cole and he told me he wanted to Marry me someday. It was just the BEST FEELING. EVER.
My favorite birthday is my SEVENTH BIRTHDAY!! I GOT A PUPPY!! I don't remember much but I have a diary entry of it and I remember I was just SOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY.
The past month has been really stressful with Cole and Maria fighting and I'm always babysitting, and I'm still trying to get my life together so I don't have to live with Cole and Maria forever. Well, I would like to live with Cole forever, but you know what i mean.
Something that makes me cry is the fact that I can't have Cole. Because we all know he's with Maria together. But even typing that, I don't really believe it. Part of me knows, but 95% of me believes the lie that he could be mine.
Something that makes me feel better is Jaxon and Julia because they are just the two most amazing children in the world.
I do regret having sex with Cole last year... its actually the worst thing I could ever do.
I've never tried drugs.EVER. And the first time I drank I was eighteen.
I'M SCARED OF:
- someone kidnapping my children
- my children getting sick
- my children being bullied
- Cole not caring about us
- Getting into a car accident
My favorite place ever is Jasper. I've never been out of the country or anything, but I don't think I'd be too big on going to a tropical place anyway (but I am kinda jealous of Cole and Maria and their family going on that cruise next month) I really like skiing and snowboarding though, so the snow is a good thing for me.
I'm supposed to say something I miss and I can't think of anything other than Cole. I do miss having an apartment though. That was a good thing.
MY ASPIRATIONS:
- get a job
- get an apartment
- get Cole.
Well that took forever to write (about a week actually) Maria made me do it. I hope you know more about me now. Yeah. Awesome.
Have a good night, and maybe I'll meet you soon! :)