YUMMY.

OKAY, HERE WE ARE, VANESSA!! The episode before the finale... the OVERNIGHT DATES!!! Yeah, the sex episode. My predictions, Emily won't spend the whole night with him because shes a good person and shes not going to have sex with someone who's going to have sex with two other women in the same week; and he's going to send her home for it. That's pretty much how Brad rolls. oh, and he'll say something like "I don't understand, how am I supposed to propose to someone who wont spend the night with me?"
Right now he's just introducing how much he really likes the three girls.
First up... CHANTELLE!!
They're on a safari. That's actually so fucking awesome, I think Cole should take me to Africa and take me on one. A REAL one. They're WILD animals! That is actually so fucking cool.
Oh she said yes to the fantasy sweet. HOL YFUCK FJSAFJHAHHHHFDOUFSAHSDUIHFJKSADHFJDS ITS AWE MAN I WANT THAT!! ITS A FUCKING AMAZING TREE HOUSE WITH A BED AT THE TOP OF IT AND THEY'RE TOTALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD WITH LIONS AND STUFF AND THEY'RE GONNA HAVE SEX IN IT LIKE FUCK THAT
IS
THE
BEST
TREE HOUSE
EVER.
WE SHOULD HAVE GONE THERE INSTEAD OF AITUTAKI.
NO THAT WAS COOL TOO, BUT SERIOUSLY, ME AND COLE ARE TOTALLY TAKING YOU GUYS TO AFRICA...
NOW EMILY'S TURN...
holy FUCK
THEY'RE
RIDING
AN
ELEPHANT
I
WANT
THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really like Emily, she deserves so much better than him.
"I'm a mom... to a 5 year old... and I want to be a good example for her. That being said, I like going slow with you. So we can stay the night, but we're taking things slow."
HAHAHAHHAHA OWNED, SHES NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM!! That's the way you should do it... if you were the only girl he loved and he weren't such a tool.
Sorry, I stopped talking to you for a while. Him and Ashley are having a picnic, they just went on a helicopter. I think Ashley's going home, there just isn't as much romance. Too many complications. They are both too work ish. Not enough happiness. Too serious. WTF. Stupid. They just talk about family and work. If I were on that show and single and stuff... I'd be like talking about fucking unicorns or something. I'd like like "Okay, we're going through the alphabet and for every letter, you have to describe be with a word that starts with it. So, you know... A is amazing, B is beautiful..." HAHHAHAHA I'M SUCH A CONCEDED BITCH. OH, THEN WE CAN GO THROUGH THE ALPHABET AGAIN AND SAY "A is asshole, B is bitch, C is conceded/cunt,"
MUAHAHHAHAHAHA! Okay, who is he gonna kick out? Probably Ashley.
Now its the rose ceremony, and he's apologizing for their shitty date. OH NO, he just broke up with her. But it was nice because he took her away and did it without the other girls watching.
HOLY FUCK, so he walks her to the limo, right? She's crying.
"HEY, WHATS WRONG? I don't get it... whats wrong right now?"
UM BRAD. YOU JUST BROKE UP WITH HER. SHE JUST HAD SEX WITH YOU. SHE SAID SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU.
ARE
YOU
STUPID?

A letter for the Lost.

Hey there. You're subscription is a little late, I know. So is Vanessa's. And so is the letter I MUST write to Kellyanne for her birthday. I'll get on all of that... I will.. I SWEAR, FROM THIS POINT ON... I'LL WRITE AS OFTEN AS I'M SUPPOSED TO! I like how I set these rules for myself. Okay, Zackary. It feels like a lot has happened in the past week. Not much has, though. Cole and I have been really good, until last night... but it wasn't too bad. We still love each other. A lot. And our love is growing. I know when all this stuff is over, and it almost is, we'll be closer than we ever have been. We just gotta stick to our counseling and not get too stressed. Claire is being really good with Cole too... actually, its Cole being really good with Claire. He never really lets her near him, but now all signs of him showing her love are gone. He treats her good and everything, but he doesn't show her anything more than just a friend... and actually, just a friend. No hugs, so laughing at each others jokes, no teasing. It's good. But I know that if I wasn't watching them like a fucking hawk, that they'd show how much they really love each other. And it sucks. Because they both really love each other. And friendship has nothing to do with that love. FUCK., FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
BUT ANYWAY, Claire is really awesome and she doesn't know this, so don't tell her... but she's coming on the cruise with us. Cole and I had a good talk about it. And don't worry too much, Zack, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN. I already told Cole- "If you do anything with her, anything at all. I'm gone. FOREVER. THAT MEANS DIVORCE, BOY." Yeah I went pretty Nazi on him about it.
Oh, wow, have I never told you the reason Cole and I started fighting? Well, a while ago, in November I think- when Claire went to that fancy thing with her friends and brought Cole, she pretended that Cole was her husband. And made him pretend that. And he had no idea what was going on at first, but later realized that.. wait for it...
CLAIRE. HAS. BEEN. MARRIED.
Wow, why can't I remember his name? Anyway, he died and she came back to us after that. It's actually really sad and it hurt my heart to hear, but it bothered me that Cole didn't tell me as soon as he found out. It actually bothered me A LOT. So, anyway, things have been good in that department lately.
Theres something wrong with me lately. I feel to... I don't know. I feel like too much of a mom. I just want to be Maria again. I'm only 23. I raise four kids. Fuck. It's stressful. And I love my kids with all my heart... but I wish I could have had them a few years from now. I've never been able to fuck around. Neither has Cole. We rushed into EVERYTHING way too fucking fast. Fuck. It's really been bothering me lately.
The weekend was just that. Stressful. We did celebrate Kellyanne's fifteenth birthday though. It was pretty sad, its probably hardest with her. The missing is just so sad. With Cartman, its fucking intense, but we laugh at the memories. And I've faced my missing you so much that I'm used to it, and it's fine, and I feel okay with you. I never knew Vanessa and Miley that well, anyway, so with Kellyanne... its really bad. But all went well, and I'll write to her later.
I feel bad that I don't want to talk about the babies, cause they do cute things now and they're all growing up. But, again, I'm stressed... and I really just need time to myself... or time alone with Cole. Yeah. I need time alone with Cole.
I feel like fucking screaming at the top of my lungs. I'm so stressed out.

Oops, I guess I never got back to writing this. You don't even get a picture. Poor Vanessa.

Hey there Vanessa. HOMETOWN DATE EPISODE!!! :D
This weekend has been so busy, but we celebrated Kellyanne's birthday and I'll write to her tomorrow. I need to write to Zack too.
First is Brad and Chantel. First they're going to her house. There's her puppy. And her cats. Awe, those cats are so damn cute. Her dog is actually so cute. It's weird that this is the last time they'll see each other before they may or may not get engaged. It feels like they just started dating though.
HOLY SHIT SHE'S RICH. Wow. Holy shit. That's fucking huge. That is a big house. Holy shit it looks like a hotel.
Now Chantel is telling her dad she's in love with him. What does dad think? "Yeah I'll sit down and talk to him a bit more.." OH EXCITING. He seems like an awkward man. This could be weird cause Brad is also awkward. They're talking about rocks. Now they're talking about how their dads sucked.
I'm sorry Vanessa, I'm really not emotionally invested in this email tonight :P I think I'm gonna close my laptop for a bit and eat or something. Me and Cole argued again tonight. So. You know. I'm not in the best mood.

What if you had black hair, and I had blond hair?

That would be fucking weird. Cause I have black hair, and you have blond hair. We just couldn't switch it up. We should just both shave our heads. For cancer or something. I WOULD TOTALLY DO THAT! I'LL PROPOSE THE IDEA IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN!
Hey Vanessa!
I hope you're well... I am. I'm watching the Bachelor (obviously), Brad just went on a date with Emily (MY FAVORITE) and all went well. Now its Brad and Shawntel. MY SECOND FAVORITE! They are in the Caribbean, where I'm going to be in a month and a bit, and they are just having fun with some village people. They're talking about their feelings. "I've only told two guys in my life that I love them, and there's not doubt in my mind, I'm falling in love with you." I like the way she said that. I mean, it wasn't all serious. She said it so casually, but with feeling. It was nice. But still, you don't fall in love with someone after two dates. Unless you have REALLY good sex. I'm kidding. That's not a reason to fall in love... and no sex on the second date... jeez...
Wow, wouldn't it have been weird if I had sex with Zack? I mean, I would NOT be writing this email right now. That would have changed EVERYTHING. Wow. I'm happy that didn't happen. Maybe I shouldn't have brought that up. Sorry.
They are going to have dinner under the moonlight now. In the Caribbean. It looks kind of like Aitutaki. But Aitutaki was better. But Cole says the Caribbean will be like Aitutaki. I don't wanna go back to the actual Aitutaki without you, but THIS SHOULD BE A SOLID SECOND PLACE. Everyone thinks we're crazy.. taking four babies on a cruise... but whatever. We like to travel.
Awe, they're kissing. He implied that he was falling in love with her. That's against the rules. But he did it anyway. Now they are having a privet concert. I think Brad and Emily are a little too serious. Shawntel and Brad are more fun loving. I like it a bit better. But Emily is a better person.
THEY'RE JUMPING OFF CLIFFS IN THE "COMING UP NEXT" LIKE IN AITUTAKI. OH MY GOD I MISS THAT. Okay, back to the show.
Sorry if all this Bachelor talk bothers you by the way.
Now, its Brad and Britt. Britt has never been on a date with him. She's fucking anorexic. Shit. I don't think they're gonna have a romantic connection. They're on a yacht. The yacht date is always a sexual one. *cough* Jason and Molly *cough* WOW THOSE CLIFFS ARE PRETTY. Yeah, their yacht date... I REALLY DON'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU BY THIS, VANESSA, SHE GAVE HIM AN AB MASSAGE. ... PHEW. THAT FELT GOOD TO GET OUT. Okay, now their cliff jumping. Ew you can see her ribs. What a douche, he jumped before her. She probably wants to jump WITH him. She wont jump. Oh, there she goes. Must have hurt her skin and bones.
Okay, back to the house with the girls, here's the group date card.
Ashlehy, Chantelle, Michelle. message: the dawn of a new love.
(its a very sexual photo shoot)
Okay, now back to Brad and Britt.
Nope, he doesn't have feelings for her. But the night is still young. Wow its pretty. It looked SO MUCH like Aitutaki. Oh my Gosh...
whats that I smell?
....
chocolate...
I LOVE VALENTINES DAY.
Its melted chocolate.
WHAT COULD COLE BE DOING!?!?
I want Cole. Where is he? Too bad I wanna watch the Bachelor. Nope, no romance. That's okay. He's telling her how her feels... here we go...
"I wanna talk to you cause I feel so highly of you. I wanted to take today to be around you as you are and see if theres anything there. I liked our conversation, adn here's where the but comes in..."
WAIT HERE'S SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT. I HEAR COLE COMING DOWN THE STAIRS.
"WHATS THAT YOU GOT THERE?"
"Chocolate covered strawberry's, you want some?"
"I LOVE YOU COLE MATTHIAS FAITH"
Okay I'll be right back, me and Cole are bout to get DIRTY.
And covered in chocolate.
yum.
Okay we're back. Cole's here now. He says hi (in a really sexy voice)
Okay, group date. Three girls, photo shoot on a beach. It's going to be in Sports Illustrated. She's taking her top off. How wrong. Oh well, she's innocent and cute. And she was covered up with her hands and stuff. At least it wasn't Brad's hands. Chantel is looking SEXY. Wow, and she barely even tries to cover it. I would NOT do that. Even if I was still home wrecker Maria, and NOT married, I would NOT. DO. THAT. But I could totally see Claire doing this. Now psycho Michelle is on top of him making out with him. That's terrible.
Now that the commercial is on- THOSE STRAWBERRY'S WERE SO GOOD. Cole's gonna make more. It's all over my chest though.
OH SHIT NOT LIKE THAT THOUGH. I JUST EAT REALLY MESSILY.
Now he's going to apologize to the other two girls for them having to watch them make out with Michelle. He says he really likes Ashley... but I think its starting to become an old "Zack and Maria" relationship. Oh, theres always at least one in the Bachelor. She loves him way more than he likes her. But he still kinda like her, quite a bit actually, so its not there YET. Maybe Brad and Chantel. I think he likes her quite a bit though. But his favorites, in order- Emily, Shawntelle, Michelle, Chantel, Ashley. (Britt went home) She just said "I LOVE YOU, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Oh, maybe they'll be the Zack and Maria relationship.
Brad is being "cold" today, in the girls eyes. I'm just saying he's being "A FUCKING TOOL."
So Ashley got the rose, and Chantel is PROVING HER POINT. She wants to go home now cause he likes the others more. She is being a WOMAN. YEAH, YOU GO GIRL. Shit, no she's not. She's hugging him. COME ON, CHANTEL, YOU TELL HIM OFF. PLEASE. Wow this is a heated episode.
OH WOW, NO COCKTAIL PARTY! The rose ceremony RIGHT AWAY. He's already made his decision. Ugh. Stupid Brad. I'm so lucky I have Cole. Cole just said "Brad's a fucking tool. I was kinda a tool when we were with the Love's, wasn't I? What the fuck. They see me as a Brad that's why they left." He's quite concerned. He's not a tool. He just has a fucking like steal wall that you guys didn't break down.
Intense music...
YES. OH MY GOD, MICHELLE IS LEAVING!!!!!!!!!!!1 YES, YES YES, LETS SEE HER REACTION. PISSED, I SEE PISSED. MUAHAHHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!11 OH MY GOD I LOVE MY LIFE. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I JUST JUMPED WHEN I FOUND OUT. I LOVE THAT. I LOVE COLE. HE'S LOLING AT ME. IM SAYING ALL OF THIS OUT LOUD.
Okay, Michelle hasn't said a word to him. She just let him walk her to the limo, and now shes laying in it, crying.
Now he has four awesome women.
NEXT WEEK- HOME TOWN DATES!!! OOH, EMILY'S DAUGHTER DOESN'T LIKE BRAD. SHE HAS A GOOD TASTE IN MEN.
Okay, the show is over. Thank you for listening to all that crap. I'm trying to think about more subscription things we can write about. Don't worry, these subscriptions wont be about the Bachelor much longer, its almost over. Then we can talk about other stuff. Like. Boys.
But, okay, so-
Sunday- I talk to Zack about the week, and other stuff
Monday- I talk to you about the Bachelor, and soon to be other stuff
Tuesday- TOMMY TUESDAY! (officially)
Wednesday- Let's get deep, one or two of us will answer one or two personal questions.
That's good for now, I don't wanna rack my brain for ideas.
I LOVE YOU VANESSA, AND I REALLY MISS YOU AND I HOPE I CAN SEE YOU SOON!!!

Harry Potter and the Jealousy over Maria's Valentines Day.

Hi Zack. I'll talk about how fucking awesome my weekend with Cole was later, for now; I just want to share with you a few reasons why I LOVE being a parent. And why parents are awesome.





Oh my God, this is gonna be Cole:


and this is gonna be Cole and Zack:




THIS WILL BE ME:


Cole again:


Cause me and Cole are addicted to scrabble:






IM TOTALLY GONNA DO THIS:




Me and Zack:


Okay, thats enough. Unless I come across a really funny one while I'm writing this. I'm watching the Grammys but I don't even know whos preforming right now. I LOVE KATY PERRY OH MY GOD SHE IS JUST SO AMAZING. Okay, so, how was your valentines weekend? Good, I hope. Mine was great, whatever our problem was is completely fixed now. I couldn't be any closer to Cole right now, he is just so amazing. Oh my gosh, these texting things are really funny but I'm not going to post anymore.
OKAY, SO ON FRIDAY Clarie got me all fancied up and I went out for din din with Cole and we went bowling AND IT WAS FUNNY CAUSE I WAS WEARING A TIGHT DRESS AND YOU CANT REALLY BOWL WHILE YOUR WEARING A TIGHT DRESS. Seriously, you should try it. Man, we suck at bowling. It was hilarious, but I won. Cole REALLLY sucks.

Sorry I had to.
Yeah, and then we came home and all the kids were asleep (Claire ROCKS)and then I came and wrote to you while Cole did something, AND THEN WHEN I CAME UPSTAIRS THERE WERE ROSE PETALS EVERYWHERE AND HE HAD THESE PICTURES OF US HANGING EVERYWHERE, and our wedding song was playing and I was just like "DAYUM, I HAVE THE BEST. HUSBAND. EVER."

Sorry, I had to post that cause thats gonna be the story of our lives.
Okay, anyway, then on Saturday he was like "Maria I packed our stuff, lets go to the cabin tonight. I got the babysitter all set up, and the cars started, LETS GOOO." And I was like "BOOYAAAH!" So we went to the cabin and made snowmen and hung out there and had the best fire ever, and another really great night. Then we drove home and sang at the top of our lungs, and ITS NOT EVEN VALENTINES YET.
Thats right, I still get my chocolate.
Well, I better get my chocolate. :)
Okay I'm sorry I gotta show you more of these.
OH MY GOD BUT FIRST KATY PERRY IS PREFORMING!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! here she goes:
here are my thoughts:
wow I love Katy Perry. I want a swing like that. I really like Katy Perry. WTF WHY DONT I KNOW THIS SONG. Um excuse me? I want this song on my i pod now. NOW. GET ON MY I POD. Hi Katy Perry. I like Katy Perry. Meow. She should dedicate a song to Kitty Purry. Why is she so pretty. OMG I wanna do this. I wanna rise like that. In a swing. While singing. Whats that? Her WEDDING! I love her and her husbands love. its all lovey. I like this song. its about her and her husband. She loves him. I love Cole. SO MUCH. Awe, thats nice. TEENAGE DREAM, YAY! It goes out to all the valentine lovers... LIKE ME AND COLE. ME AND COLE WERE SINGING THIS SONG TODAY. this is real, so take a chance and dont ever look back. Shes dancing. I like to dance. Shes not even wearing jeans. WTF how can he put her hands on her in her skin tight jeans? Poor husband.
Okay now that thats over, here are a few more funny things.

That was a lie. I'm tired. I'm off to bed. I'll talk to you soon.
I really really miss you by the way. I just really wanna show you my Rihanna impression, and I GOTTA SING ALL MY RAPS TO YOU, and we really gotta paint something, and have a pool party, AND PLAY WITH MY KIDS I MEAN COME ONNN. Yeah. I guess hope is just continuing to fade. But its pretty amazing that I still have hope after a year and a half. Wow, a year and a half. Shit. Thats a long time. Yeah, but I still got the smallest bit of hope. Its not impossible. :)
OH! BY THE WAY! THE OTHER DAY, TOMMY'S FRIEND, TRAVIS CAME OVER. THEY WERE PLAYING X BOX AND I WAS CLEANING THE KITCHEN, AND I WAS SINGING HOLD IT AGAINST ME AND WHEN I SANG "cause you feel like paradise, and I need a vacation tonight" he looked at me, completely serious, and said "I'll take you on a vacation every night, babe."
I swear,
IT
WAS
SOMETHING
OUT
OF
A
HORROR
MOVIE.

I think these quizzes are a phase. But I'm gonna fill it out while Cole does something.

Who has the power to break you?
The ones who have the power to break me are the ones that would never want to.

Have you been disappointed in the past three days?
Yeah, but not as much as I have been the last three weeks.

What are you listening to?
Tommy’s video game.

Have you ever fallen asleep in school?
Yeah, it sucks when you wake up and realize your at school.

Who's the biggest douche bag that you know?
My “father”

Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now?
Yes, I KNOW I will.

Do you have siblings over the age of 21?
Sure do. My sister is almost thirty... WTF.

How did you get your last bruise?
the guy that tried to rape and kill me a few months back.

Where is your biological father right now?
Hell.

Honestly, did you really love the last person you said I love you to?
Of course I do. She’s my daughter, she owns like half my heart. Well, a lot of it anyway.

What do you usually do right away when you wake up?
Kiss Cole and say good morning. Or just turn around and try to go back to sleep.

When was the last time you were told you were cute?
Ummm.... YESTERDAY.

Are you taller than most people your age?
Hell no.

If you caught your significant other cheating on you what would you do?
I have, and it depends.

Ever get hurt by someone who promised they wouldn't?
Yes.

Do you think you are a good person?
Yes I do.

Would you ever smile at a stranger?
I always do

Have you ever woken up to someone and smiled?
Every morning. Well, most mornings.

Is there someone who tries to make your life hell?
Yep, my home wrecker <3

Do you prefer a tanning bed or laying out in the sun?
My body doesn’t really tan much, AND I DON’T REALLY CARE.

Is there any piece of jewelery you wear every day?
My wedding ring, a necklace from my mom, and my charm bracelet from Zack (Love)

Do u ever hang out with your grandparents?
Yeah, I have an awesome grandma.

Do you honestly speak your mind no matter what?
No, if you don’t got something nice to say don’t say nothing at all. And I have A LOT of not nice things to say.

Do you need to go shopping for anything?
Nope I don’t think so.

How are you feeling?
Kind of sick, but pretty awesome at the same time.

If someone tells you to not do something, do you still go for it?
It depends who they are and what it is. If its Cole, I’ll probably listen. If its Claire... NEVER.

What about advice, do you take advice?
Hell yeah I do

Have you lost respect for anyone?
Yeah a few people, but they don’t matter.

What are the color of your eyes?
I dunno. The color of awesome. But some people just say “WOW, YOUR EYES ARE LIKE GOLDEN” But, no. I’m not a Cullen.

Last night you felt:
Ha, um. Good ;)

What are your plans for the weekend coming up?
The weekend just started, I just came back from a date and tomorrow... Um... shit what the hell am I doing? I feel like... OH YEAH, Cole said he had a surprise for me. Damn that boy and all his surprises.

Name something great that happened today?
I went on the BEST. DATE. EVER. But I’ll give more detail on that another time.

Is something bothering you?
Yeah, I can’t stop sneezing and I don’t know why.

Will you be in a relationship in four months?
Definitely.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
Not at all, I used to be stupid.

What are you excited for?
My surprise tomorrow, the cruise, and THE DAY WE SEE YOU GUYS AGAIN...

At the moment are you more warm or cold?
Cold. Cole’s preparing another “surprise” for me right now, so I’m just on the computer. The date isn’t over. SO. I’m guessing its something awesome.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of anyone today?
Yep

Do you have any bruises?
Sure do.

If the year consisted of only two seasons, which would you choose?
Summer and Autumn

Is there a girl who knows everything or basically everything about you?
SURE IS! A few of them. But by a few, I mean those who are in Heaven and just know everything, my three daughters that don’t understand much, and Brennah.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Just the other day, actually.

Do you miss anyone?
YES, LOTS. Ya’ll should come take that miss away. If you want.

Does anyone call you babe?
Yeah , a few people but I REALLY HATE WHEN TRAVIS DOES.

Are you ticklish?
In certain places.

Are you a jealous person?
Sometimes, but not really.

What is your favorite song?
I don’t really have one.

What do you look for in the opposite sex?
The name Cole Matthias Faith; that’s always attractive.

Do you know anyone named Brian?
I don’t think so.

Do you follow celebrity gossip?
HELL NO

Have you ever taken piano lessons?
Well my mommy taught me a lot, so sort of.

When did you last weigh yourself?
Wow, I have no idea. I never do.

When did you last sit on someone's lap?
A few hours ago

WHY DOES MARIA MAKE US DO THIS

MARIA:
I'm just gonna answer these questions. And you can read them. And then we can go chill. I just sneezed. That felt good.

Let's get real deep, okay?
yep.

Do you think you're good enough for the person you like? <-- person I love.
Yes, I never used to be though. But I am now.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Theres a good chance.

Have you ever been called beautiful?
wow, what a deep question. OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE IM ONLY THE SEXIEST PERSON EVEEERR.

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
I'm kinda married. So, yeah. I do.

Do you want someone back in your life?
Yeah, you guys would be nice.

Think back five months ago, were you single?
Nope.

In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
Yep. My home wrecker. She's gonna make me all sexy for my date tomorrow.

Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?
Yes.

What's the best part about school?
THAT I DON'T GO TO IT!

Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Yep, and a lot of the time I replay the stuff with you guys. cause you're awesome. And sometimes I just like to look back and think 'wow, no wonder they left.' The hardcore regret is such a great feeling.

Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?
Yep; Cole, Tommy, Zack, Skye, Ivy, and Lily. Well... maybe not every minute for the rest of my life. But you know what I mean. I don't get tired of them. Ever.

Is your life anything like it was 2 years ago?
Two years ago was February 2009. We were together. And I was old Maria. So, other than having Cole and Tommy and Zack... NO, NOTHING IS THE SAME. Oh, I have the same house and the same dogs too.

Are all guys players and cheaters?
No.

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Writing to you guys. It's what I do at night. And I'm doing that. So, I'm doing everything good.

Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
I used to be so sure I wouldn't ever have feelings for Cole, but I was like 8 when I thought that and it was kind of a given that we were gonna fall in love.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
Yeah, I'd like to think so because I've almost been married for FIVE years.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
I am now that I have kids, but I don't really care to hide my feelings. cause its totally fine to be sad sometimes.

Do you like to cuddle?
I think I'm obsessed with it to be honest.

What was the longest time you've liked someone?
Um... I think I started crushing on Cole when I was 12... so that'd be 11 years. And with Zack, I liked him when I was... I think it started when I was 5... so... 5 to 22, but there were a few years I didn't... so 22 minus about 5 equals SEVENTEEN YEARS! wow. I'm a terrible person.

Your phone is ringing. It's the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?
Hi, love, can you go to Starbucks for me?

The last person you kissed bumped into you at school, what do you do?
We don't go to school, but I'd kiss him back. Cause we're married and all.

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Yeah, but for some reason, maybe cause I've been known to lie, it doesn't bother me TOO much. Things like CHEATING and HOME WRECKING reallllllllyyy bother me though.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
Heck yeah, but the upstairs living room couches hurt my back. The downstairs one is a lot nicer.

Does your favorite song remind you of anybody?
Man, my favorite song is constantly changing but I really do like Firework by Katy Perry... and.. umm... i don't know, it reminds me of a lot of people. Mostly the kids at the hospital. And my own kids.

Have you met anybody that changed your life?
Yep, lots, and four of them came out of ME.

Is there a person of the opposite gender who can ALWAYS make you smile?
Yeah- Cole, Tommy, and Zack. And Zack Love and Cartman probably could too, but ya'll have been taking a PRETTY LONG vacation from us.

Tonight the last person you kissed calls you and tells you (s)he wants you. What do you say?
Why the fuck are you calling me if your right beside me? And you have me.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Lunch time. Which is pretty good, I got through a whole dinner without the urge to punch Claire.

Can you commit to one person?
Now I can. And I do. And I always will. AWE THAT'S SO SWEET OF ME.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Cole.

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
I always do. They're names are Cole, Tommy, Zack, Skye, Ivy, and Lily. And Dream. And... sometimes Ayden.
YAY FOR FAMILY!!

TOMMY:
Let's get real deep, okay?
im not gay i dont want that

Do you think you're good enough for the person you like?
i like all the ladies ;) and ya

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
ya they always are

Have you ever been called beautiful?
ya

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
not really

Do you want someone back in your life?
ya carty and kellyanne and vanesseee and miley and even zack and teddy AND TOM and derek and jeremy and tina llamas

Think back five months ago, were you single?
um i dont think so

In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
ya we have a valentine dance tomorrow at school im gunna ask a lady or 2 out

Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?
i dunno i cant remember maybe maria

What's the best part about school?
the ladies

Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
ya when im sent to my room adn told to think about what i did and sometimes about you guys

Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?
ya just cole maybe maria but actually no not really and Carty if he was here

Is your life anything like it was 2 years ago?
no i was happy then

Are all guys players and cheaters?
i am ;)

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
nothin really maria wants me to do this

Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
ya....

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
LOL NO!

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
ya real good

Do you like to cuddle?
ya but not really with maria only when im sad dont tell her i said that but with my ladies i do all the time ;)

What was the longest time you've liked someone?
like 2 months

Your phone is ringing. It's the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?
hey babe (its Kellyanne and Vanessee at the same time)

The last person you kissed bumped into you at school, what do you do?
Hi whats shakin

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
ya it really pisses me off i hate it a lot

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
ya cole once cause we were up to late playing games and maria a few times

Does your favorite song remind you of anybody?
ya Carty

Have you met anybody that changed your life?
ya you guys

Is there a person of the opposite gender who can ALWAYS make you smile?
ya maria

Tonight the last person you kissed calls you and tells you (s)he wants you. What do you say?
i know everyone does but sorry babe i just dont feel that way anymore

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
like 2 weeks ago when i punched a guy in the face cause he was being mean to Jake about being mexican

Can you commit to one person?
LOLOLOL NO

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Jaxon

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
ya valentines day at school is tomorrow and the ladies will be all over me

wow why does maria make us do this? oh well it was nice talking to you guys bye.

Cole:
Let's get real deep, okay?
The magic man got so mad he pulled hsi hare out.

Do you think you're good enough for the person you like?
Maria? No.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Yeah, Claire's kind of creepy like that...

Have you ever been called beautiful?
Hell yeah.

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
I'm pretty partial to my wife, yeah.

Do you want someone back in your life?
YEAH, you guys should all come chill with us. We miss you.

Think back five months ago, were you single?
No.

In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
Yeah, I'm going on a date with my wife and I have three daughters and my best friend lives with me. I'm always with girls.

Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?
Yeah, cause honestly, who the hell would wanna lose ME?

What's the best part about school?
The lunches my mommy packed for me and the little notes she stuck to them "enjoy your cookies, baby." The baby part wasnt very cool, but I did get a lot of cookies.

Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Hell yeah, I think everyone does.

Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?
Yeah I have the best wife ever and she produced me some awesome kids, her little brother is also really cool. And my ex girlfriend gave me two pretty awesome kids too.

Is your life anything like it was 2 years ago?
Not at all.

Are all guys players and cheaters?
No.

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Writing to you cause Maria told me to.

Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
No, it was all pretty expected.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
ONLY SIX MONTHS? No way, it has to be a lot longer than that.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
YEAH AND IT KINDA SUCKS

Do you like to cuddle?
Hell yeah

What was the longest time you've liked someone?
Pretty much my whole life, which I kind of regret, but it was Maria and shes worth it.

Your phone is ringing. It's the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?
YES, MARIA, I'M GOING TO STARBUCKS.

The last person you kissed bumped into you at school, what do you do?
Oh hey Maria, I never knew we went to school.

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Yes. I fucking hate it.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
Yeah, pretty often. The couches are pretty comfy.

Does your favorite song remind you of anybody?
It sure does.

Have you met anybody that changed your life?
Everyone you meet changes your life.

Is there a person of the opposite gender who can ALWAYS make you smile?
Yeah, all of them are pretty contagious.

Tonight the last person you kissed calls you and tells you (s)he wants you. What do you say?
I WANT YOU TOO, WHERE ARE YOU, ITS BEEN TOO LONG.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
I can't remember. I think its been about a year. But sometimes I'd like to punch myself in the face.

Can you commit to one person?
I fucking wish. I think I can. I can be the little engine that could.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Fuck, um... Maria, I think. She's the only one that ever sees me cry I think.

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
HELL YEAH!

OKAY, ITS ELEVEN I THINK WE'RE ALLOWED TO BE DONE NOW... unless Claire has to fill this out.

Claire:
Let's get real deep, okay?
alright ;)

Do you think you're good enough for the person you like?
Nope, but that's not gonna stop me from wanting him.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I hope so :)

Have you ever been called beautiful?
Yes.

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
Obviously.

Do you want someone back in your life?
Yes.

Think back five months ago, were you single?
Yeah, it was the same as it is now.

In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
Yeah me and Maria are going to hang out tomorrow.

Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?
YEP!

What's the best part about school?
I don't go to school, but I really did like Science.

Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
YES, my life revolves around it.

Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?
Cole of course. :)

Is your life anything like it was 2 years ago?
It's 190% different. Its a completely different life.

Are all guys players and cheaters?
Not at all

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
This. But I want to go to bed.

Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
HELL. YEAH.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months?
Of course. I could spend forever with him.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
It depends what the feeling is.

Do you like to cuddle?
Love it.

What was the longest time you've liked someone?
I've loved Cole for a long time.

Your phone is ringing. It's the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?
I love you so fucking much.

The last person you kissed bumped into you at school, what do you do?
Try to resist them, and most likely fail.

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
YES.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
Yep.

Does your favorite song remind you of anybody?
Yeah.

Have you met anybody that changed your life?
I've met many people who have changed my life.

Is there a person of the opposite gender who can ALWAYS make you smile?
JAXON!

Tonight the last person you kissed calls you and tells you (s)he wants you. What do you say?
LETS GO ELOPE. RIGHT NOW.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
RIGHT NOW CAUSE I DONT WANNA WRTIE THIS AND MARIA IS PURE PRESSURING ME INTO IT

Can you commit to one person?
Yes.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Cole.

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
YES, THIS QUIZ IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D


A note from Maria:
They're so cruel, not wanting to fill these out. OH WELL. YOU NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS! Alright, goodnight.

Stuff about Claire.

Hi. I'm Claire. I'm 23. I was born on April 23rd 1987. I'm a single mom with two 7 year old kids- Jaxon and Julia. Although, if I had to give myself a "relationship status" it would be "its complicated." I love photography, and SNOW BOARDING! Winter is the best, the snow is the best. I wish gay people were treated good by everyone. I think its like.. my PASSION to stand up for homophobia. I like to laugh. I like a little breeze. I like kisses, too.
I was only 15 when I had my first love, but he was just so amazing; you couldn't help but to fall in love with him. And as lucky as I was, he loved me back. It was Cole, obviously. And I'm obviously still very much in love with him. He's the father of my babies, and he's one of my best friends. He just never chose me. And it fucking sucks. His wife is like my sister now. She's so amazing, and so beautiful. You can't not love Maria. But you can't not love Cole either.
My parents are really awesome. We were always really close, until I rebelled against them and got pregnant when I was 15. They are super religious, but we're still pretty close. However, I can't live with them for whatever reason. I had an apartment, until I lost my job and lost everything; and now I'm living with Cole.
I ATE SO MUCH TODAY! I woke up and had some Captain Crunch cereal with Cole while Maria slept in, and then I had some bacon that Cole made for Maria when she woke up and then I went to Starbucks with Maria and had a yummy bread thing and then I had some vegetables at around 2:30 and then I had some salad around 5 and then I had A CHICKEN CAESAR CREPE!! YAYYYYYYY!! Mmmm, I'm hungry now. ANYWAY, my definition of love: (if you haven't noticed already, I've been told what to write about:)
Love is really fucking complicated.
enough. said.
My day was good. I pretty much described it with the food thing, because food=LIFE. Throw a lot of screaming kids and jealousy in there, and you have described my day.
My best friend would have to be Maria. I had a lot of friends before, but again, they are really religious and things just aren't the same since I had an affair with Cole. I still love them, but now that I live with Cole and Maria, I have this bond with Maria that... well, I don't know how to describe it other than its like we're SISTERS. We're jealous of each other, and we show hatred towards each other but we both just kind of KNOW that we love each other, and when I'm down, she helps me. Cause she's all wise and shit. I know if we were sisters I'd be the older one, but I swear, SHE'S LIKE EDWARD CULLEN! SHE HAS THE MIND OF AN 108 YEAR OLD!!
The next topic is just "a moment" And all the moments I can think of are with Cole but when I talk about him in that way I'm scared you'll think I'm a psycho bitch. I feel like I come off that way sometimes.
Okay. Here it is. I'm Mormon. But seriously, half those stereotypes about us aren't true. I just love my family a lot and I love my church. It's not like I dress so you can't see ANY of my skin or anything. I drink alcohol. I was never really planning on it, but I guess I did go against my religion. In more ways than one. I guess I'm more Catholic now, but, again, I love my church and I love God.
I wore sweats and a sweater today.
I'm an ONLY CHILD! Yeah, theres something else that is weird due to my religion. Truth is, my parents wanted a billion kids but they couldn't get pregnant. But, somehow, THEY GOT ME! :D My mom has what I have, ovarian cancer, not so bad, but not so good. She couldn't have babies. Luckily, I was diagnosed with mine after I had my twins.
What's in my bag? A million things. Like 5 lipsticks, my wallet, a bunch of loose change, pictures of Jaxon and Julia- and a picture of the ultrasound of Juliette, mittens, a hat, probably a fucking scarf, pens, a notepad, an extra camera battery, a crappy little camera, and um..... a lot of receipts :P
This week has been pretty bad as far as finding a job goes but pretty good because I haven't been getting jealous of Cole and Maria or anything... actually, Cole and Maria have been having some issues with each other- I'm not too sure what they are, but theres no need for me to be jealous. I don't really like being around that though. And Cole and Maria arguing means I'm doing A LOT of babysitting.
If I described my dreams, I'd sound like that psycho bitch again. But, uh, its basically marrying Cole and having another kid. Maria isn't in any of my dreams.
I remember my first kiss. I was 13. It was nothing special or anything. Some boy liked me i grade 7, and I liked him and we kissed once and then we were all awkward and never spoke again. I don't even remember his name.
My favorite memory ALSO makes me sound like a psycho bitch but it was just one night when I was with Cole and he told me he wanted to Marry me someday. It was just the BEST FEELING. EVER.
My favorite birthday is my SEVENTH BIRTHDAY!! I GOT A PUPPY!! I don't remember much but I have a diary entry of it and I remember I was just SOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY.
The past month has been really stressful with Cole and Maria fighting and I'm always babysitting, and I'm still trying to get my life together so I don't have to live with Cole and Maria forever. Well, I would like to live with Cole forever, but you know what i mean.
Something that makes me cry is the fact that I can't have Cole. Because we all know he's with Maria together. But even typing that, I don't really believe it. Part of me knows, but 95% of me believes the lie that he could be mine.
Something that makes me feel better is Jaxon and Julia because they are just the two most amazing children in the world.
I do regret having sex with Cole last year... its actually the worst thing I could ever do.
I've never tried drugs.EVER. And the first time I drank I was eighteen.
I'M SCARED OF:
- someone kidnapping my children
- my children getting sick
- my children being bullied
- Cole not caring about us
- Getting into a car accident
My favorite place ever is Jasper. I've never been out of the country or anything, but I don't think I'd be too big on going to a tropical place anyway (but I am kinda jealous of Cole and Maria and their family going on that cruise next month) I really like skiing and snowboarding though, so the snow is a good thing for me.
I'm supposed to say something I miss and I can't think of anything other than Cole. I do miss having an apartment though. That was a good thing.
MY ASPIRATIONS:
- get a job
- get an apartment
- get Cole.
Well that took forever to write (about a week actually) Maria made me do it. I hope you know more about me now. Yeah. Awesome.
Have a good night, and maybe I'll meet you soon! :)

Sock Puppets scare me. A LOT.

VANESSA LOVE. BABY V!!
I bet you get that a lot... sorry. I'm watching the Bachelor. Its actually like an hour in, we had to tape it and we missed the first 20 minutes and I've been watching it for a while. hahahahaha Alli saw a bug and started screaming and Brad heard it when he was talking to... Michelle. I HATE Michelle. YESSS HE'S STARTING NOT TO LIKE MICHELLE. Alright, heres the deal. Group date. 6 girls, 1 rose. (the other five can still stay, but one gets one in advance) BUT TONIGHT, HE'S NOT GONNA HAND OUT ONE! Because he's confused. FUCKIGGNSDNFJSAHFSAKFS FUCK! It says "and coming up...
*michelle walks into Brad's room*
Brad: What are you doing here?
*flash forward to Michelle fucking on top of him*
Michelle: if you keep Chantel, theres going to be consequences.
I LIKE CHANTEL GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!
Wouldn't it be awkward? When Brad has time with these girls together, and at this point, they all have relationships with him and you can tell he cares about all of them for different reasons.. and... fuck... I dont know. You know how when all of us were together and Zack was talking to us, and there was kind of just this FEELING in the room, like a pull, cause we both had feelings for him? Yeah. Its that... times like... EIGHT!
He's on his one on one date with Alli... and they're in a dark caves with bats and shit. HAHAHA shes terrified. Its funny. He's gonna get turned off. hahahhaha. Oh well. That sucks. Oh no, "I'll protect you. I'm here for you."
"I felt great having him next to me in such a scary situation."
I DONT REALLY LIKE HER, SHES GIVING US THAT STEREOTYPICAL "disney princesss" thing.
FUCK, I GOT SHOT, OKAY! I WAS MAN ENOUGH TO FACE THAT BASTARD. I'M STRONG. I GO, GIRL! Alli doesnt. Bit she is a nice girl. They don't really have a connection yet, you know? WOW, IM HUNGRY. BUT WE HAVE NOOO FOOOD. We didnt have the time to go grocery shopping today, Cole and I had an appointment.
Its so pretty where they are.
IM SO EXCITED FOR THE CRUISE!! :D
Wow they really dont have a connection. Thats weird. I like her though. I just know that when he doesnt give her the rose, Michelle will be so fucking happy and I
FUCKING
HATE
MICHELLE.
But last episode, they gave a "coming up in the season"
and Im pretty sure Michelle goes to the like... final 2. I bet you he's gonna choose her. This show is JFALHDFILHFYQIHFREYKH VJK HJFKHDSHFJASKDHFKASFD.
Yeah he's sending her home. And now I feel all sad cause she was all "I REALLY LIKE YOU." And he was like "Yeah... uh... just friends." And then I was like... HAHAHHAHHA, ZACK AND MARIA MOMENT RIGHT THERE.
WTF, he was just like "Bye, okay?"
I mean, WHY THE OKAY? ARE YOU ASKING HER TO SAY BYE? SHE DOESNT WANT TO, SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR HIM. GAH. STUPID BRAD STUPID STUPID.
Im so hungryyy.
Ughh... here comes Michelle. She "just wanted to see yah"
UGH I HATE HER. SHES PLAYING GAMES WITH HIM SHES LIKE FUCKING CLAIRE TO FUCKING COLE, SHE JUST CONFUSES HIM AND MAKES HIM WANT HER IN THESE PSYCHO WAYS. But I love Claire. She's really not that bad.
im eating toast so im gonna shut up for a bit.
Hi. Okay, so its just Michelle being a bitch and I like Chantel and Shantelle.
Its the cocktail party so Brads just taking time to talk to a bunch of different girls. All we ever talk about is the Bachelor... sorry :P
awe Chantel has "fallen in love with him" "I love you. I do." Awe, after two dates.
Okay, the roses are being distributed. The final rose.. between Michelle and... a girl I like. PLEASE LET MICHELLE GO HOME....... FUCK. FUCK FCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Shes staying. Fuck my life. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Oh it was Jaquie. They never really did have anything.
OH SHIT, NOW THEY'RE SHOWING WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT WEEK AND MICHELLE IS FUCKING ON TOP OF HIM NAKED, AND THERES A PHOTOGRAPHER THERE NAD THEY'RE LIKE "how about taking your top off"
OH
NO
YOU
DIDNT.
I hope me and Cole are done fighting because I really really really really love him and I really want to be happy. We're happy now. HES SEXY.

Informal Setting.

yo yo yo. im eating nachossss.claire and me made friendship bracelets today, im gonna wear mine every day. on the same wrist i wear the charm bracelet you got me THREE years ago. no, the fat that i still wear it everyday does NOT mean (sorry I was just eating nachos and thats why I wasn't typing with capitals and stuff.) does NOT mean that I have feelings for you. I have been having the WORST foot cramps today, and the WORST period cramps today, but me and Cole havent fought and that is very good. Cole taped the Bachelor for me because I didn't have time to watch it yesterday or today, so I'll email your wife about it tomorrow. Aight. I'm gonna go cuddle Cole or something. oodles of toodles.

You can make all kinds of cupcakes.

Hi. Sorry your weekly subscriptions have turned into a... monthly subscription. Or whatever. BUT I'M BACK! I swear... I am. I'm just supposed to write to you at NIGHT, and at NIGHT I'm fucking tired. Cole and I haven't fought for the past few days, but we're going to some counseling things for a while. Wow. I feel like theres so much to tell you but there really isn't. Coming back to writing you guys is like a HUGE sigh of relief. I haven't been in a good mood, especially not the past week. But I'M PMSING SO BADLY. That's not the reason I've been fighting with Cole or anything, I'm just really fucking emotionally this month. But that might be because I'm dealing with a home wrecker, her two seven year olds, a ten year old, a two year old, a one and a half year old, and two six month olds. And he is too. So we're both pretty stressed. Okay, I'm going to talk about how awesome all those kids are though. All of them. In this weekly subscription, I'm gonna focus on the stuff that ISN'T about me and Cole.
I'm gonna describe all of them in one word.
Claire: Awesome
Tommy: Mature
Jaxon: Behaved.
Julia: Cute
Zack: Funny
Skye: Energetic
Ivy: LOUD
Lily: Curious

Claire is seriously awesome. I know I call her a home wrecker and stuff, but her and Cole BARELY have any kind of romantic connection anymore. She likes to sing with me and dance with me, and she's a really great babysitter and really good at cleaning. She's like my older sister now.
Tommy is really mature ever since me and Cole started arguing in December. Him and Jaxon pretty much keep to themselves and he treats me with respect even when I don't. He does things when Cole or I ask him too and he doesn't stick his face in mine and Cole's business... as much.
Jaxon kind of just follows Tommy so he's behaved because Tommy is. Julia is such a great help and she's adorable, and she keeps Skye busy too. Sometimes I feel bad, because its easy to tell how happy they are having their mum AND dad around.
Zack is the funniest little boy I could have ever given birth to. He dances all the time, and sings, and always refers to himself in third person. "Zack is so cute." "Zack is the BOMB!" "Zack's right." GJJHADJFKHSA HE ALSO SAYS "ZACKS ALWAYS RIGHT!" my mind=blown.
Skye also dances a lot. She's REALLY attached to her daddy, but she loves me too :) She's really girly and she insists I do her hair every morning. She loves putting on lipstick.
Ivy is developing so quickly, its crazy. She already has a few teeth showing and she's crawling and she mama and dada. Zack developed really quickly too.
Lily can crawl too, but she's really quiet.And she loves to observe things. She feels things and plays with anything she can get her hands on. I just LOVE how quiet she is. If Lily and me had the house to ourselves, for just one night... I'd be so happy :)
So that's pretty much whats going on. I'll talk to you soon. Wait, do I have a recent picture of one of the babies for you? um umu mumumumumu YES I DO!
Heres one of Skye in the morning.
I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE CRUISE IN MARCH :D

The best and worst feeling ever.

I went on Tommy's email today. I went to his Sent box.
And I found a bunch of emails from YOUR family to OURS.
We were sending emails to EACH OTHER. And I hadn't seen any of them.
They are beautiful little treasures.
This one was the first one I clicked, from Tommy to Kellyanne:

I laughed my face off for about 30 seconds when I saw that. And then it hit me.
That THAT isnt coming back.
That laugh wasnt a laugh I've laughed since we were together. I read that email and felt that "WITH THE LOVES" feeling. And I realized that I was a fucking depressed, stupid idiot. I never knew I was THAT needy and THAT bad. I wish. I wish that tonight God could send me back. Or send me forward. Anywhere to be with you. Because that stupid email that Tommy wrote to Kellyanne just changed everything.
I suddenly want to fight for you again.
I really. REALLLY. want to.
So sorry if the next few emails are kind of "in a funk"
Anyway, HAVE A GOOD LOL AT THAT EMAIL. :D

ITS NOT YOU, ZACK, ITS ME!

OKAY! IM SORRY! Seriously... I am...
I feel all giddy and all in love... and happy...
right now anyway.
I'm worried. Because me and Cole have been arguing a lot lately and it SUCKS.
And then we make up and we're just SO happy and in love
I fucking feel like I'm in highschool or something.
But we both know this isnt healthy and we keep saying we'll stop but we CAN'T.
I lied. I shouldnt have.
I didn't know he hated it when people lied so much.
And suddenly its so hard for him to FORGIVE. He used to be such a forgiving person...
I have no fucking idea what to do but I want this to stop and I just want to love him and I want him to love me. I don't even know what it is we're always fighting about. HFAJDKHFKSADJHFSAKJDHFUIWAFABFAKJAFHSDGFHWHAFKA.
I love him so much and I
dont
know
what
to
do.
So I'm gonna write to both of you today cause you guys are married. And you should know about this stuff.
So please tell me WHAT TO DO.