Hey. First things first, I want to apologize ahead of time if I'm a little down the next little while. But my goal of the week is to write EVERY DAY. Or someone to write every day. It's nice to have little goals, it gives things a purpose, you know?
Zack, you're my best friend in so many ways. I know you don't read these but I feel like you listen. I feel like you think about me sometimes. I feel like, no, I KNOW you love me in some way whether you think of me or not. In a lot of ways it's like you're dead, but knowing you're alive makes me very happy. Just to know you're out there somewhere doing something... that gives me comfort. I feel like I'm losing you all over, I feel like I'm losing ten yous because I'm losing Cole. I know it's for the best. You were my first broken heart, you know that? The death of my mom and other family and friends has killed me in my childhood, the abuse from my father was horrible, but I had never felt heart break until you all left. For some reason the divorce is the same heart break, but stronger. But this time I know I'll be okay and I know Cole will be okay. I just don't like to see him sad.
This weekend was pretty good actually. Saturday we all (we being me, Tommy, the kids, Claire and her kids) had a fire and roasted marsh mellows which was nice; it was something we hadn't done in a while. Sunday was a little bit less awkward, Cole and I never fought which was awesome. We went to Church and then out for brunch. It was nice.
I'M SORRY ZACK I'M WATCHING LONG ISLAND MEDIUM. I want to talk to you tonight but this is so interesting. Watch Long Island Medium on TLC. It's amazing.
Thanks Zack for everything, I love you.
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