Dear Zack and Vanessa,
Hi. I'm sorry I haven't been writing. And I'm sorry I say I'm going to and then I don't. And I don't know if its going to work this time but I'll try. Look, its not you, its me. And I think its best we talk about it. I think we HAVE to talk about it. Cause if you were here we'd have to talk about it. For sure. Important stuff, it is.
Okay, so. Lets start with the kids. They are the most busy little creatures to have blessed this earth- and loud. And its hard to blog with kids going crazy in the background. Zack is almost three, and talks as fluently as Tommy. It's crazy how much he's grown since he was born; he has the strongest, coolest personality ever. He is just so interesting and COOL. Skye just had her second birthday and she is talking A LOT too. The twins are just CONSTANTLY doing something. You take your eyes off of them for one second and you hear something break behind you. Well, that's mostly Ivy- Lily moves a lot too but she keeps out of trouble most of the time. That's the main reason I haven't been writing, but the kids are a vacation compared to the stress put on me by Cole.
It's weird, Claire used to stress me out and Cole used to calm me down and now its the complete opposite. Claire has her own apartment now but she spends most of the days at my house, because Cole isn't usually around. Not because he's in Afghanistan, he came home a while ago. But, you know how being in the army can do things to you? I mean, it had started a while before he left; really it's been going on since we had kids, but its getting worse and worse. I think we've just both grown and changed and fuck its hard to type without crying. it sucks but we both feel the same way and know its the right thing to do to separate. Cole is an amazing man and he'll make another girl so happy but we aren't for each other. We're a great team, we get each other, we laugh together, we USED to have so much passion but that's the problem. We don't anymore. We just don't click in that way anymore. I love him with all my heart and I care about him in ways that I can't even explain but. BUT THERES A BUT, THATS WHAT IT IS. And it sucks. And you two are very lucky you have each other. This process sucks, and I really don't want to talk to much about it. I thought I was ready to talk about it today but maybe I'm not. But hey, I'll talk to you guys tomorrow okay? Now you know whats going on... kind of, and I'm sure you'll understand more the more I write to you. WE'LL TALK TOMORROW! It's okay. Everything is cool, I know this is for the best. I know in about a year I'll be happier than I would be if I were still with Cole. I'm just glad it was a clean break up and our feelings are mutual. Break up. I don't really like that word. I never expected this to happen, but its for the best.
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