SO I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE, but I thought I'd write to you.
WE'RE GONNA DO A QUIZ. YES THATS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
1: get something off your chest:
OKAY. Cole, you fucking douche, why are you always like this? Stop being a fucking child and realize that this is hard on me too. DEAL WITH IT. It's life and it fucking sucks, don't blame me for shit that isn't my fault. And DO NOT bring up the fucking past or take things out on me. GOT IT? Good.
2: The last dream I remember having:
I was with Lily in literally a field with rainbows and sunshine and bunnies and all things happy. That was the whole dream, just Lily dancing around. She was about five, and very cute.
3: My current relationship status in great detail:
THIS IS A STUPID QUESTION WHEN IM IN THE MIDDLE OF GETTING A DIVORCE. Screw detail it'll make me upset. I'm getting a divorce, and that's that.
4: My last sexual experience; when, where, who.
About a month ago, my bedroom, Cole.
YOU KNOW WHAT. I DON'T FEEL LIKE WRITING TONIGHT. I love you guys, talk to you soon.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Tommy Salami
Zack and Vanessa,
I don't know what to write about but the house is quiet right now, and that hardly ever happens so I thought I'd write to you. I should go get my pajamas on and be in bed but I'm not. I'm about to. I HAD to have a shower tonight and I forgot, usually its not a big deal if I forget cause there's other people around to take care of the kids. I have Claire, but she has her own two kids, add on my four plus Tommy and its wrong to make her take care of all of them herself just so I can get myself washed and dressed. Tommy has been a lot more mature lately, he knows he needs to take care of the kids and be like the 'man' of the house. But maybe he just feels mature cause he's in grade SIX now, and he wears deodorant and its becoming normal for guys to have girlfriends and people are having their first kisses and his voice cracks and he's losing his lisp. He's grown up SO much since you saw him. I mean it's been two years and I see him every day so the transition hasn't been a huge deal but grade SEVEN next year. I'm amazed and so proud of him for being who he is. He still acts crazy half the time but he is so mature when it comes down to it; he really knows when to be serious and when I need him he's there to help in a second. I'm proud of myself too, because its Cole and I that raised him to be this way. Here's a recent picture of him:
You can even tell in his face how much he's grown, can't you? He's almost TWELVE years old, and he'll go to grade seven in a year- and ZACK will be starting preschool next year. ZACK. It's CRAZY. His birthday is coming up and he'll be three, and that also blows my mind. A lot has changed in the past three years. More than I would have liked. But I guess in the end it was all for the best. Well, it better be. ANYWAYS, I'm rambling. Have a good night, hopefully I'll talk to you tomorrow. We'll start with the subscription thing again ;)
And sorry if I'm not upbeat for a while, I'm just BEAT. I'm so busy and so tired and SO stressed.
I don't know what to write about but the house is quiet right now, and that hardly ever happens so I thought I'd write to you. I should go get my pajamas on and be in bed but I'm not. I'm about to. I HAD to have a shower tonight and I forgot, usually its not a big deal if I forget cause there's other people around to take care of the kids. I have Claire, but she has her own two kids, add on my four plus Tommy and its wrong to make her take care of all of them herself just so I can get myself washed and dressed. Tommy has been a lot more mature lately, he knows he needs to take care of the kids and be like the 'man' of the house. But maybe he just feels mature cause he's in grade SIX now, and he wears deodorant and its becoming normal for guys to have girlfriends and people are having their first kisses and his voice cracks and he's losing his lisp. He's grown up SO much since you saw him. I mean it's been two years and I see him every day so the transition hasn't been a huge deal but grade SEVEN next year. I'm amazed and so proud of him for being who he is. He still acts crazy half the time but he is so mature when it comes down to it; he really knows when to be serious and when I need him he's there to help in a second. I'm proud of myself too, because its Cole and I that raised him to be this way. Here's a recent picture of him:
You can even tell in his face how much he's grown, can't you? He's almost TWELVE years old, and he'll go to grade seven in a year- and ZACK will be starting preschool next year. ZACK. It's CRAZY. His birthday is coming up and he'll be three, and that also blows my mind. A lot has changed in the past three years. More than I would have liked. But I guess in the end it was all for the best. Well, it better be. ANYWAYS, I'm rambling. Have a good night, hopefully I'll talk to you tomorrow. We'll start with the subscription thing again ;)
And sorry if I'm not upbeat for a while, I'm just BEAT. I'm so busy and so tired and SO stressed.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Pre-Divorce Business
Zack and Vanessa,
"Yeah but I'll write to you tomorrow." SORRY ABOUT THAT! It hasn't been too long though, I've just legitimentally been really busy the past two days. I went to a dinner theater and ate SIXTEEN chocolate covered strawberries yesterday night. Was it yesterday? No, the day before that. Or maybe it was yesterday.I DON'T KNOW. Life is crazy lately. I'm also tired as hell so I'm going to sleep right away but I thought you'd want to see the kids. At least Zack and Skye. All our photos are on Cole's laptop for the most part so I haven't gotten them all transferred to mine. Does it make any sense that I feel a lot more mature and independent and... OLD getting a divorce? Anyway, here are two of my loves.
"Yeah but I'll write to you tomorrow." SORRY ABOUT THAT! It hasn't been too long though, I've just legitimentally been really busy the past two days. I went to a dinner theater and ate SIXTEEN chocolate covered strawberries yesterday night. Was it yesterday? No, the day before that. Or maybe it was yesterday.I DON'T KNOW. Life is crazy lately. I'm also tired as hell so I'm going to sleep right away but I thought you'd want to see the kids. At least Zack and Skye. All our photos are on Cole's laptop for the most part so I haven't gotten them all transferred to mine. Does it make any sense that I feel a lot more mature and independent and... OLD getting a divorce? Anyway, here are two of my loves.
Monday, September 12, 2011
THE BIGGEST SHOCKER IN FAITH HISTORY.
Dear Zack and Vanessa,
Hi. I'm sorry I haven't been writing. And I'm sorry I say I'm going to and then I don't. And I don't know if its going to work this time but I'll try. Look, its not you, its me. And I think its best we talk about it. I think we HAVE to talk about it. Cause if you were here we'd have to talk about it. For sure. Important stuff, it is.
Okay, so. Lets start with the kids. They are the most busy little creatures to have blessed this earth- and loud. And its hard to blog with kids going crazy in the background. Zack is almost three, and talks as fluently as Tommy. It's crazy how much he's grown since he was born; he has the strongest, coolest personality ever. He is just so interesting and COOL. Skye just had her second birthday and she is talking A LOT too. The twins are just CONSTANTLY doing something. You take your eyes off of them for one second and you hear something break behind you. Well, that's mostly Ivy- Lily moves a lot too but she keeps out of trouble most of the time. That's the main reason I haven't been writing, but the kids are a vacation compared to the stress put on me by Cole.
It's weird, Claire used to stress me out and Cole used to calm me down and now its the complete opposite. Claire has her own apartment now but she spends most of the days at my house, because Cole isn't usually around. Not because he's in Afghanistan, he came home a while ago. But, you know how being in the army can do things to you? I mean, it had started a while before he left; really it's been going on since we had kids, but its getting worse and worse. I think we've just both grown and changed and fuck its hard to type without crying. it sucks but we both feel the same way and know its the right thing to do to separate. Cole is an amazing man and he'll make another girl so happy but we aren't for each other. We're a great team, we get each other, we laugh together, we USED to have so much passion but that's the problem. We don't anymore. We just don't click in that way anymore. I love him with all my heart and I care about him in ways that I can't even explain but. BUT THERES A BUT, THATS WHAT IT IS. And it sucks. And you two are very lucky you have each other. This process sucks, and I really don't want to talk to much about it. I thought I was ready to talk about it today but maybe I'm not. But hey, I'll talk to you guys tomorrow okay? Now you know whats going on... kind of, and I'm sure you'll understand more the more I write to you. WE'LL TALK TOMORROW! It's okay. Everything is cool, I know this is for the best. I know in about a year I'll be happier than I would be if I were still with Cole. I'm just glad it was a clean break up and our feelings are mutual. Break up. I don't really like that word. I never expected this to happen, but its for the best.
Hi. I'm sorry I haven't been writing. And I'm sorry I say I'm going to and then I don't. And I don't know if its going to work this time but I'll try. Look, its not you, its me. And I think its best we talk about it. I think we HAVE to talk about it. Cause if you were here we'd have to talk about it. For sure. Important stuff, it is.
Okay, so. Lets start with the kids. They are the most busy little creatures to have blessed this earth- and loud. And its hard to blog with kids going crazy in the background. Zack is almost three, and talks as fluently as Tommy. It's crazy how much he's grown since he was born; he has the strongest, coolest personality ever. He is just so interesting and COOL. Skye just had her second birthday and she is talking A LOT too. The twins are just CONSTANTLY doing something. You take your eyes off of them for one second and you hear something break behind you. Well, that's mostly Ivy- Lily moves a lot too but she keeps out of trouble most of the time. That's the main reason I haven't been writing, but the kids are a vacation compared to the stress put on me by Cole.
It's weird, Claire used to stress me out and Cole used to calm me down and now its the complete opposite. Claire has her own apartment now but she spends most of the days at my house, because Cole isn't usually around. Not because he's in Afghanistan, he came home a while ago. But, you know how being in the army can do things to you? I mean, it had started a while before he left; really it's been going on since we had kids, but its getting worse and worse. I think we've just both grown and changed and fuck its hard to type without crying. it sucks but we both feel the same way and know its the right thing to do to separate. Cole is an amazing man and he'll make another girl so happy but we aren't for each other. We're a great team, we get each other, we laugh together, we USED to have so much passion but that's the problem. We don't anymore. We just don't click in that way anymore. I love him with all my heart and I care about him in ways that I can't even explain but. BUT THERES A BUT, THATS WHAT IT IS. And it sucks. And you two are very lucky you have each other. This process sucks, and I really don't want to talk to much about it. I thought I was ready to talk about it today but maybe I'm not. But hey, I'll talk to you guys tomorrow okay? Now you know whats going on... kind of, and I'm sure you'll understand more the more I write to you. WE'LL TALK TOMORROW! It's okay. Everything is cool, I know this is for the best. I know in about a year I'll be happier than I would be if I were still with Cole. I'm just glad it was a clean break up and our feelings are mutual. Break up. I don't really like that word. I never expected this to happen, but its for the best.
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